


Galatea

by kethni



Series: Galatea [1]
Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: F/M, Long-term romance, Making Up, Post-Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9696872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: After leaving the West Wing, Kent has some time to consider what he wants.





	1. Chapter 1

Kent went home.

He fed his cat, Curiosity. He cleaned out her litter tray.

He turned off his cell phone. He turned off his tablet.

He shut the curtains. He put an LP on his record player.

He had a shower.

About halfway through his shower, his landline rang.

Kent ignored it.

It continued to ring.

He continued to ignore it.

After a while, he heard scratching at the bathroom door.

It was the first rule of being a cat’s caretaker: closing a door made it instantly irresistible. What might have been mundane and boring when the door was open became a potential portal to an unknown universe when it was closed.

Kent leaned around the shower screen and opened the bathroom door a crack. Cold air rushed in, setting him shivering.

His landline rang again.

Kent flicked water at Curiosity. She chirped at him, finished her circuit of the room, and slipped back through the door.

Riding with the club gave a fresh perspective to the insanity of politics. Having a cat gave a fresh perspective to the insanity of being a human being.

***    

At five am, Kent woke up. His alarm wasn’t set. He woke up anyway. He lay in bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling, until Curiosity made a typically determined attempt to sit on his head.

There were people, a significant amount, who would consider retiring early. Escape the stress. Spend time with the family. Garden. Play golf.

He couldn’t think of anything worse.

There were eighty-seven missed calls on his cell phone. That seemed potentially promising. Fifty-two voicemails, that was less promising. Nobody who understood technology left voicemails. He was undecided on the one hundred and three text messages, and the forty-nine emails. They could go either way.

Kent brushed his teeth. Relieved himself. Did an hour of yoga. Had a shower. Made himself a mug of coffee. Went back to bed.

His landline rang. Kent muted the rerun of _The Brady Bunch_ , and picked up the phone.

‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you since last night,’ Ben complained.

‘I’m off the grid,’ Kent said.

‘You’re on your landline you... you. That means you’re at home. Probably wearing your lamest, dad-est sweatpants, curled up in bed drinking cocoa and watching _Storage Wars_.’

Kent leaned back. ‘It’s coffee,’ he said. ‘And _The Brady Bunch_.’

‘Which channel is rerunning _The Brady Bunch_?’

Kent squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘Ben, why are you calling?’

‘Uh, Joyce wants you to come to dinner.’

Kent sipped his coffee. ‘Your wife is aware that we no longer work together, is she? I recall that she has little interest in politics.’

‘Yeah she knows.’ There was a rustling sound. ‘She thinks you shouldn’t be alone.’

Kent waited for a punch line, but none seemed forthcoming. ‘Is that supposed to be humorous?’

‘You’d think,’ Ben said heavily. ‘She seems serious though.’

‘We’re mature adults with many years’ experience in politics,’ Kent said. ‘Losing an election is not an earth-shattering event.’

‘It’s not?’ Ben asked.

Kent rubbed his forehead. ‘I’m sure you have offers as I do.’

‘You gonna go stand in for the speaking clock?’ Ben asked.

‘No doubt a circus somewhere will be very happy to have you ride around on a bicycle, banging a drum, and blowing a trumpet,’ Kent said tartly.

‘I’ll have you know we modern shaved bears prefer the keyboard.’

‘And playing with telephones, evidently,’ Kent said.

Ben had a brief, quiet conversation with someone else. ‘Look, you gonna come around or not?’

‘Not,’ Kent said. ‘Despite the graciousness of the invitation.’

‘Great,’ Ben said. ‘Well, I guess I’ll see you around.’

‘That seems likely.’

‘Although I really hope not.’

‘ _Goodbye_ , Ben.’

***

It was by no means the first time that he had left a job. It wasn’t even the first time that he’d left the White House. Although this time he was better prepared It did sting a little, although not as much as when she had blamed him for the loses. He wasn’t David Blaine. He made no pretence at performing miracles. Kent had been Selina’s third campaign manager and he had stuck it out, despite not wanting the position and simultaneously acting as Ben’s deputy. That wasn’t technically legal. There was supposed to be a complete separation between the campaign and the administration. Kent had never complained. He simply got on with his jobs to the best of his abilities.

And he kept all his paperwork. Kent had no illusions that he was too important or too valued to be sacrificed. Nor did he harbour Ben’s blind loyalty. Kent protected himself, nobody else.

Perhaps he was a _little_ irritated. Not bitter. There was no benefit to bitterness.

Curiosity put her head around the door, chirped at him, and walked away. Time to get up. For some reason, she disliked his staying in bed. Hypocritical, he felt, in a creature which slept about eighteen hours a day.

Kent changed into a pair of jeans. The day that he went out publicly in sweatpants was the day he gave up his self-respect. Even when he exercised, he did so in shorts.

He did have offers. That was true. Several of them were quite interesting. The problem, if it was a problem, was that D. C. was an incubator. It magnified and exaggerated everything. There were no petty issues, only problems waiting to become catastrophes. You hurtled from lunacy to insanity to desperation with little time between.

This was the time in between. Time to decompress. To reacclimatise to the normal world where the apocalypse was not upon you at every moment.

Also, he was going on an interstate bike ride at the weekend.

He hadn’t been able to get away in months. The last time he’d had to drag Catherine along, which had put quite a pall on the free and easy flow of conversation.

Kent’s cell bleeped. He checked it half-heartedly. He hadn’t replied to any of his missed messages yet. He would, soon. But first he needed to clear his head.

He didn’t recognise the number on the latest text and the message did nothing to help clear it up.

_Congratulations on returning to the real word. We should meet and discuss this. Call me.- MH._

MH? No. Total blank. Kent ignored it. He wasn’t spending his day chasing calls and emails. He was going to relax. He was going to spend the day being a completely common or garden variety person.

***

He had drunken voice mails from... from the former POTUS. He was going to have to practice calling her that. It had been jarring enough when he had to stop calling her the VP and start calling her POTUS. Where had the time gone? It seemed like last week that he’d been telling her she was the president. He’d known it was going to be a disaster when she had a screaming fit of hysterics with Walsh. Not that Hughes hadn’t had his moments of hysteria, but never after _good_ news.

He had six drunken voice mails from Meyer. They began with her asking him to do something, only for her to remember that she was no longer responsible for it. As the night wore on her messages became increasingly incoherent. Two of them were nothing but sobbing. Oh, and she blamed him. For everything in her life that had ever gone wrong, from what he could tell. The final message was quieter. She had apparently achieved that sort of Zen-like thoughtfulness that some drunks experience. She even thanked him for his work, which was undoubtedly a first. Then she made an alarmingly detailed suggestion about what she’d like to do to him sexually.

He almost deleted the message. But no. It might be important one day. It was alarming, certainly, but illuminating. He had never thought about her in that light, although admittedly she was reasonably attractive by most conventional measures. The vitriol was off-putting. Kent was aware that he was not widely or wildly popular with his colleagues. He was largely indifferent to this. However, he did draw the line at being actively disliked by romantic partners. Kent was aware that there were those who found antagonism sexually stimulating. He knew that there were those who considered “like” and “love” to be two distinct and separate emotions. His mother had once advised him that when it came to marriage, liking was as important as loving.

Kent didn’t like Selina. He didn’t like Catherine. He didn’t like Dan, or Jonah, or Gary Walsh. He used to like Mike. He was on the fence about Richard. He liked Amy. He liked Sue.

He still liked Sue, despite everything. He was not a man given to regrets, they were indulgent, but he regretted how things had ended with Sue. He regretted that he hadn’t really said goodbye to her when he left the West Wing. He regretted that the text message she had sent him had been a coolly polite group message: Good luck in the future. That had stung. He had thought they still had some warmth for each other. No, that wasn’t true. He had hoped she still returned the lingering affection that he felt for her. She did not.

Enough of that.

After a brisk walk, he went to Starbucks for a coffee. It wasn’t particularly good coffee, but it was plentiful and largely outside the White House bubble. While he waiting for his coffee, the student next to him opened a newspaper, disturbing the line and flashing photographs of Laura Montez.

Urgh. Montez. She couldn’t even manage a couple of lines of Spanish without mangling them horrifically.

Kent looked again: in the background of a photograph he saw Sue handing someone a folder. He was surprised that he wasn’t surprised. The rumour mill had said a staffer was being retained. It was smart of Montez to retain Sue. He wasn’t sure how smart it was for Sue to stay. She would make a tempting scapegoat when blaming Selina was no longer practical.

But that was her concern. She had made it very clear that she wasn’t interested in anything he had to say.

***

Kent had made two lists: things he was interested in, and things he would gladly throw into a burning fire forever. Chat shows and interviews went into the “burning fire” list. As if he would make an entertaining guest. He had no illusions about that. Consulting on a new political sitcom went on the “interesting” list, along two professorships. He was contemplating _I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here_ , when someone rang his bell.

One the one hand, there was something desperate and depressing about celebrity reality shows. On the other hand, he’d never been to Australia and he had always enjoyed camping and outdoor purists.

The doorbell rang again, accompanied by a brisk knock.

Kent shook his head as he stood. Perhaps it was time to move. For the selling price of this place he could probably get a sprawling ranch somewhere in the Midwest. With fences, and possibly some guard dogs. Or possibly machine gun nests.

He opened the door. For a moment, he had no idea who the woman in front of him was, let alone the three pre-schoolers, but then he saw Ben stood behind her.

‘Hey,’ Ben said. ‘Uh...’

‘You’re not answering your phone,’ Joyce said, thrusting a casserole dish at him. ‘We were worried.’

‘I wasn’t worried,’ Ben said.

Joyce gave him a look. ‘You were the one –’

‘Can we come in?’ Ben asked. ‘Josh needs the bathroom real bad.’

Kent stood aside. The children ignored him. Joyce kissed his cheek. Ben scowled.

‘Oh, don’t be jealous!’ Joyce laughed. ‘I’m too old for you, aren’t I, Kent? You like dynamic girls, like Sue. How old is she?’

Kent shook his head. ‘I don’t know.’

Joyce strolled towards the kitchen. ‘Don’t know! Some boyfriend you are.’

Kent looked at Ben, who coloured.

‘Fuck.’ Ben said.

One of the children gasped.

‘I mean crap,’ Ben said quickly.

Another gasp.

‘Perhaps you should take Josh to the bathroom,’ Kent said. ‘Down there, second on the left.’

Faced with the remaining two young children, Kent chose the lesser peril, and walked to the kitchen. He was disappointed, but not surprised, that they followed him.

‘The only food in your refrigerator is from restaurants,’ Joyce said. ‘You live like a woman never sets foot in here.’

‘There’s my cleaner,’ Kent said, putting the casserole in the refrigerator. ‘As far as I’m aware she doesn’t care what I eat.’

Joyce turned on the coffee machine. ‘Sue doesn’t care what you eat?’

‘What?’

Joyce looked around the room and then looked him up and down critically.

‘You’re not dating Sue?’ she asked gently.

Kent shook his head.

‘This is a disaster!’ Joyce said, throwing her hands up.

Kent rubbed his face. ‘It ended months ago, over a year. She’s married now.’

Joyce flung her arms around him and held him tightly, oblivious to his sudden tension.

‘What the hell?’ Ben demanded.

‘Daddy said a –’

‘I’ll give you a dollar later,’ Ben snapped. ‘Go wait in the living room.’

Joyce stepped away from Kent and turned to Ben. ‘You didn’t tell me about Sue!’

‘What?’ Ben demanded.

‘You didn’t tell me they’d broken up. You didn’t tell me she got married!’

‘I found out she got married a month ago,’ Ben protested. ‘I didn’t think it was any of my business.’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘Uh… this really isn’t...’

Joyce poked Ben in the shoulder. ‘We will discuss this later.’ She stalked out of the room.

‘Great,’ Ben muttered. ‘Can’t wait.’

‘What did you tell her?’ Kent asked.

Ben looked at him blankly. ‘Nothing, that’s why she’s mad at me. Weren’t you paying attention?’

Kent shook his head. He could have argued. Probably should have argued. But he didn’t enjoy confrontations and was worried that the longer he and Ben spoke, the more difficult it would be to get them to leave.

‘Why are you here?’ Kent asked. ‘Never mind. It’s irrelevant. Your child has unburdened himself. Your wife has given me a casserole and inspected my refrigerator. Please leave.’

Ben scowled. ‘Don’t be a dick, you’re gonna hurt her feelings.’

‘Your turned up unannounced and uninvited,’ Kent said sharply. ‘What of my feelings?’

‘She was worried about you,’ Ben protested.

Kent narrowed his eyes. ‘And _why_ would she be worried about me?’

Ben moved to the door. ‘Christ knows, I don’t. I’ll tell her you’ve got an appointment or something.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Be nice or I’ll leave the kids with you while we go to Disney World,’ Ben threatened.

Kent nodded. ‘Do you have a death wish or are you merely curious which child will have you committed into the world’s worst old people’s home?’

‘My money is on Bethany,’ Ben said. ‘She can be vicious.’

 * * *

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘How long did they stay?’

Kent fiddled with his cup. ‘Perhaps ten minutes. Possibly a little less.’

‘Not a very long visit.’

‘It wasn’t a visit, it was an intrusion. Ben knew that.’

Sasha sipped her coffee. ‘You’re blaming him?’

‘Sure.’

‘The way you describe it, his wife appears more the motivator. Why don’t you hold her responsible?’

Kent shrugged. ‘She doesn’t know better.’

‘She obviously knew that kissing your cheek and hugging you irritated him and made you uncomfortable. She did it anyway.’

Kent pulled a face. ‘Some people can’t believe everyone doesn’t think the way they do. You can explain to them a hundred times that you love sailing or hate football and they’ll be wide-eyed with astonishment every time. They don’t forget. They just can’t believe it. That’s Joyce. She has an idea about the world and no amount of evidence or discussion will change her mind.’

Sasha made a note. ‘You know her quite well.’

‘She’s always inviting me to things,’ Kent said distastefully. ‘Lord knows why. Ben and I would never socialise voluntarily.’

‘It’s a little strange that she wasn’t aware of your breakup.’

Kent snorted. ‘No.’

‘No?’

He groaned. ‘If she thinks I’m dating then she doesn’t try to fix me up. That’s what Ben will have been thinking.’

Sasha fought a smile. ‘She tries to play match maker?

‘Constantly.’

‘How do you feel about dating?’

Kent clasped his hands in his lap. ‘It’s not a priority.’

‘That’s an evasion,’ Sasha said. ‘Is there a reason you’re not dating?’

‘I don’t enjoy it.’

Sasha nodded. ‘In what way?’

‘I don’t function as well as I would like. Social situations aren’t… optimal for me.’

Sasha made a note. ‘I’m not hearing so much an absence of desire as an excess of anxiety.’

‘I just said I’m not good at it, wouldn’t that that cause some small measure of anxiety?’

Sasha shrugged. ‘If social anxiety of one nature or another is interfering with you living your life then it’s not a small measure.’

Kent was silent for a moment. ‘I’m not ready to date.’

‘Okay,’ Sasha said quietly. ‘Well, your work situation is currently in a state of transformation. Maybe this is an opportune moment to take stock of things. To decide what you want in your personal life and to make that happen.’

‘I had what I want,’ he said, ‘and now I don’t.’

‘There’s a reason I said “what” and not “who.” You’re a mathematician, Kent. You know that it’s impossible for any human to be unique. There are too few variables and too many people. You might not find another Sue, but there’s going to be someone else if you put the work in to find her.’


	2. Chapter 2

‘Hey,’ Ben said gloomily.

‘Good evening,’ Kent said, and handed over a bottle of whiskey.

Ben read the label and grunted. ‘Not bad.’

Kent followed him into the living room. There was a definitely feminine air in Ben’s house. Perhaps it was colour scheme or the decoration. Kent suspected that the preponderance of figurines and knick-knacks were Joyce’s doing.

He heard her coming from the kitchen and thrust the casserole dish in front of himself protectively.

‘You came,’ Joyce said warmly. ‘Ben said you’d cancel.’

‘Is it too late?’ Kent asked.

Joyce laughed and took the dish. ‘Did you eat it all? You’re skin and bone! You need to eat more.’

Kent made a noncommittal sound. He wasn’t a big eater, but he was quite a fussy one. He had thrown most of the casserole away.

‘I’ll eat his share,’ Ben offered.

Joyce rolled their eyes. ‘You need to eat less.’

Ben trailed over to his little bar as Joyce returned to the kitchen.

‘I heard you signed up to do consultancy with CNN,’ Ben said.

‘It’s off camera background work,’ Kent said. ‘You sold your memoires.’

‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ Ben complained. ‘I’ve got stories.’

‘And little discretion,’ Kent said. ‘I’m merely querying your ability to meaningfully assemble words into a coherent and entertaining written form.’

‘I can write. My speeches would bring tears to your eyes.’

‘Many things would bring tears to my eyes,’ Kent said. ‘I wouldn’t pay for any of them.’

Ben poured two whiskeys and handed one to Kent. ‘You see anyone else?’

‘I’m weighing a couple of professorships.’

‘Jesus,’ Ben said. ‘Those poor fucking kids.’

Kent sipped his whiskey.

‘I didn’t mean that,’ Ben said. ‘I mean anyone from the West Wing.’

‘Dan is “on air talent,”’ Kent said distastefully. ‘I’m seen him a few times but we haven’t spoken.’

‘Lucky you,’ Ben said. ‘I got an offer to work as a lobbyist.’

‘Not Purcell?’

Ben snorted. ‘Fuck no, I’m a martyr and a depressive, not a masochist. Maynard Carter, and Loeb.’

Kent looked at him over the lip of his glass. ‘Didn’t you have a dalliance with Rebecca Maynard?’

Ben shifted position. ‘Yeah. That was two wives back. Joyce knows all about it.’ He drained his glass. ‘I’m not gonna fuck around. You and Sue worked together after splitting without ending up screwing.’

‘You’re not me.’

‘Yeah, I’d have told Joyce I loved her casserole,’ Ben said.

Kent was silent for a moment. ‘You have ample reasons to lie to your wife, Ben, but I have none.’

Ben scowled. ‘How about common fucking decency?’

‘Saying nothing _was_ decency.’

Ben poured himself another whiskey. ‘No wonder you’re single.’

‘No wonder you’re on your fourth wife.’

There was a loud rat-a-tat at the door.

‘Ben, will you get that?’ Joyce called. ‘It’ll be our other guest.’

‘What other guest?’ he called back.

‘It’s a surprise!’

Kent sighed. ‘This is why I didn’t want to come.’

‘Might not be some woman,’ Ben said weakly. ‘Or not one she’s trying to set you up with, anyway.’

‘Really,’ Kent said flatly.

Ben walked away. ‘No, not really,’ he called back.

* * *

‘I’m deleting your numbers from my cell,’ Kent said, as he was waiting for an Uber.

‘I guess that’s fair,’ Ben said.

‘And your email addresses.’

‘Maybe you could get every memory of the evening purged. Like in that movie. The one with Jim Carey and Kate Winslet.’

Kent gave Ben a sideways look. ‘Why were you watching that?’

‘Kate Winslet,’ Ben said.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘I see.’

‘Don’t tell me you don’t have crushes on actors.’

‘Cate Blanchett,’ Kent said after a moment.

Ben scratched his head. ‘The Aussie? She’s kinda pasty isn’t she?’

Kent tilted his head. ‘Are you seriously suggesting I would only be interested in women of colour?’

‘You got a history. Didn’t you say you liked that chick off the trendy crazy show with the hobbit and the English guy?’

‘Farah. My admiration for any woman is never influenced by her ethnic identity.’

Ben shrugged as the Uber pulled up. ‘Nothing wrong with it. Don’t be so touchy.’

‘It’s reductionist thinking that diminishes women to crude descriptors of their physical appearances.’

‘It’s a type,’ Ben said. ‘Everybody has types. Get over yourself.’

***

‘How are you finding your return to work?’ Sasha asked.

‘It’s fine,’ Kent said. ‘Nothing I can’t handle. A little lacking in challenge, perhaps, but I’m sleeping better and having significantly fewer headaches.’

‘You’re less stressed.’

‘Yes. I’m managing to ride with the club more often which brings its own challenges. Good challenges.’

Sasha smiled. ‘I’m glad to hear it. Many of us find social bonds difficult to maintain.’

Kent crossed his legs. ‘I would be happier with fewer of them.’

‘Oh? Why is that?’

Kent looked away. ‘It’s nothing important. Ben’s wife insisted on my coming to dinner. When I arrived, she’d invited some radiographer along to meet me. She keeps attempting to set me up with women.’

Sasha clasped her hands together. ‘Have you been on any of these dates?’

‘One.’

‘And?’

He scratched his head. ‘Halfway through she got a phone call, claimed it was an emergency, and left.’

Sasha made a note. ‘Did you rearrange the date?’

He shook his head. ‘It’s a ruse. They call it an exit strategy. A friend agrees to call at a prearranged time. If it’s going poorly then it provides a graceful opportunity to leave.’

‘Which she took?’ Sasha asked.

Kent leaned forward to pour himself some tea. ‘Yes.’ He shook his head. ‘She did insist on paying for her food.’

‘I see.’ She cleaned her glasses and put them back. ‘That’s unfortunate.’

Kent tapped his thumbs together. ‘Better that than spending an entire evening in growing unease.’

Sasha made another note. ‘How many times have you seen Ben recently?’

‘A couple of times in the past month,’ Kent said. ‘Joyce insisted.’

Sasha smiled slightly. ‘You want me to believe you’re easily pushed around by your friend’s wife.’

‘Ben’s not my friend.’

Sasha held up her hand. ‘Let’s table that issue for the moment. You have sat there and told me about arguments with some of the most powerful people in the country. Presidents. Senators. Captains of industry. If Joyce is asking you to do things you claim not to want perhaps you should examine why you’re agreeing.’

‘She’s persistent.’

‘Kent, you chose to spend time with Joyce knowing she was likely to do exactly this. You told her that you were no longer dating Sue, knowing the likely response.’ Sasha tilted her head. ‘Why do you think you did that?’

* * *

Kent had mixed feelings about art. He didn’t understand it. Oh, he understood the mathematical principles applied to it, and he could appreciate the motifs and references when he recognised them. He didn’t understand what made some people cry or gasp. So perhaps the issue was more that he didn’t understand people.

He certainly didn’t understand his date. So far, she had eaten three plates of canopies and drunk six glasses of champagne. If her idea of a good time was gluttony, then he didn’t know why she hadn’t suggested an all-you-can-eat buffet rather than an art gallery.

‘Mr Davison, hello. I have not seen you since Camp David as you did not reply to my text.’

Kent turned, putting a little space between them. ‘Ms Häkkinen. Forgive me, text? What text?’

She was wearing an evening dress and considerably more glamorous make-up than usual. He wasn’t sure he would have recognised her at a glance.

‘After the inauguration, I texted you and asked you to call,’ she said.

Kent looked at her blankly. ‘Apologies, I don’t recall. I was inundated with messages. Perhaps it didn’t come through. Who gave you my number?’

‘Miss Wilson, Selina’s administrative secretary,’ Minna said. ‘She is working for President Montez now. That is unusual in America? In Europe things are different.’

Kent nodded. ‘Yes, very unusual but Sue was never particularly partisan.’

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his date punch a man in the face.

Minna shook her head. ‘He has been doing that to everyone.’

‘What?’

Minna reached around and grabbed Kent’s butt.

‘That,’ she said, and squeezed it.

‘Oh,’ Kent said weakly.

‘Are you here alone?’ Minna asked.

Kent pointed his glass at his date. She was being escorted out. ‘I’m on a blind date with her. Apologies, she’s been drinking since we arrived. I should ensure she gets home safely.’

Minna nodded. ‘After I finish looking at shoddy but expensive art I am going to the French embassy ball. Would you come with me?’

‘Uh, yes,’ Kent said, not knowing why. ‘What time?’

‘Eight. I will meet you there.’

As he headed to the exit, and his erstwhile date. Kent looked back at Minna. For a woman who appeared to have no filter she was surprisingly hard to read.

 ***

‘I am _so_ sorry about Andrea,’ Joyce said. ‘She is a lovely woman, very funny, and sweet, but when she gets nervous she does drink.’

Kent nodded and tried to hide behind his glass of wine.

‘How drunk did she get?’ Ben asked.

‘Punched a man at the art gallery and then threw up in the car ride home,’ Kent said.

Joyce topped up his glass. ‘She said he groped her.’

‘I believe so,’ Kent agreed. ‘Fortunately, her daughter was home so I handed her over and went on.’

Ben snorted. ‘What, did you have another date organised? Are you prowling Tinder now?’

‘In a manner of speaking and no,’ Kent said. ‘In that order. At the gallery, I happened to see Minna Häkkinen. She asked me to accompany her to the French Embassy Ball.’

Ben took a step back. ‘The Finnish fart? Why would you even think about dating that lunatic?’

Kent shrugged. ‘She asked me. We danced. We talked. She got to show her ex-husband that she didn’t have to attend social events alone.’

Joyce swore in Chinese.

‘Now it makes sense,’ Ben said. ‘For her. You agreeing is still nuts.’

‘Don’t put him off,’ Joyce scolded. ‘Was she nice? Are you going to see her again?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Probably not.’

***

Minna looked over the rail and down at the water. ‘Do you bring all of your women out on your boat?’

‘I don’t have any women,’ Kent said.

She looked at him. ‘You are an attractive and capable man. You have women.’

It made him chuckle. ‘I assure you that I don’t. I haven’t dated very much. I’m certainly no Casanova now.’

Minna gave it some thought. ‘Casanova would have suggested sexual intercourse immediately.’

‘Quite possibly.’

Minna turned to face him. ‘In American culture, sexual intercourse is traditional after three dates.’

‘Uh... I’m... I’m not sure that isn’t just a myth.’ Kent said.

‘This boat has a bedroom.’ Minna stood up. ‘You appear to find me sexually attractive. Would you like to have sex with me?’

Kent licked his lips. ‘I would.’

‘Then we are in agreement.’

 ***

‘Is it another heart attack?’ Sasha asked.

‘It’s oh... a blockage of some sort,’ Kent said. ‘Joyce explained it but she was upset and also talking very quickly.’

‘It’s serious then.’

‘Yeah, I assume so or they wouldn’t risk operating. Ben’s health is poor generally.’

Sasha nodded. ‘Have you visited?’

‘I’m going tonight.’

‘I see. You’re going to spend your precious free time visiting a former colleague who definitely isn’t your friend.’

Kent nodded. ‘Basically, yes. Joyce was very upset.’

‘That seems normal for a wife,’ Sasha said. ‘You’re not his friend so why would you be upset?”

Kent played with his cup. ‘I’m not distressed.’

‘Okay.’

‘However, regardless of my personal antipathy, Ben is a person of my acquaintance and one of a comparable age. Therefore, if I were distressed it would nothing prove but that I’m capable of empathy.’

Sasha shook her head. ‘That was never in doubt.’

‘I’m unclear what your point is.’

‘Do you judge people by what they say or what they do?’

‘Both,’ Kent said.

‘Okay,’ Sasha said. ‘But what if they clash? What if someone says they love you but won’t acknowledge you and isn’t there when you need them? What if they say they’re not your friend but they always support you and visit you when you’re sick?’

Kent frowned. ‘Perhaps the second one enjoys your misery.’

‘Do you?’ Sasha asked. ‘A few minutes ago, you said you found his illness distressing.’

‘Again, I’m unclear what point you’re trying to make,’ Kent said.

‘You have a problem codifying relationships,’ Sasha said. ‘Ben doesn’t seem to care that you refuse to admit you’re friends but refusing to define, to acknowledge, your relationship with Sue led directly to its breakdown.’

Kent set his jaw. ‘I’m aware that our breakup was my fault.’

‘Are you aware that it’s part of a pattern of behaviour?’ Sasha asked. ‘Are you aware that pattern of behaviour is related to your deep-rooted anxiety about social interaction?’

Kent looked away. He squeezed his fingers together.

‘That anger that your feeling is born of fear,’ Sasha said. ‘You’re feeling exposed and vulnerable. Those can be uncomfortable and perhaps challenging.’

Kent shook his head.

‘You disagree? Tell me how I’m wrong.’

‘I’m not interested in this,’ Kent said. ‘I was stressed. I was unhappy after Sue and I parted ways. Neither of those things is true anymore so perhaps there’s little point to continuing this.’

Sasha watched him for a long moment. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘You can storm off. You can quit therapy in a fit of pique. We both know neither of those things is you. But you can do them. If you do, will you still feel happy when Minna leaves you because you can’t, won’t, commit to her in any meaningful way? The more you care, the more you panic, Kent. One day you’ll realise that you’re over Sue. One day you’ll realise that Ben or one of your biker companions is someone you can deeply rely on. Do you want those realisations to be ones that make you happy, or ones that fill you with fear?’

Kent looked at her. ‘I am over Sue.’

‘Are you sure?’

 ***

‘Make sure you don’t visit when Joyce is here,’ Ben wheezed. ‘She’ll be fixing you up with half the nursing staff.’

Kent shuddered. ‘Thank you for the warning. Although “fixing up” is not necessary.’

‘Thank fuck for that.’ Ben nodded at the bag in Kent’s hand. ‘You bring me something good?’

Kent handed over a couple of newspapers and some sports magazines.

‘No porno?’

‘I don’t think Joyce would approve.’

Ben grunted. ‘She’s fine as long as she gets enough.’

Kent’s nose wrinkled in distaste. ‘I meant that it would probably be bad for your heart.’

Ben looked at him. ‘What the fuck porn are you looking at? Don’t answer that, I don’t wanna know. Good job you didn’t bring any of that, it’d probably be some niche stiff. “Women without social skills,” isn’t what gets me hot.’

‘I would be grateful to never be further enlightened on what you look for in erotic material,’ Kent said tartly.

‘Nowadays, a pulse.’

Kent stayed about twenty minutes before taking his leave. They spent most of the time with Ben reading the newspaper and Kent checking his phone.

He was approaching the exit when he heard someone say his name. For a moment, he thought... but no. It couldn’t be Sue. He turned around and scanned the crowded reception area.

Sue’s mouth twitched into something like a smile.

‘Hello,’ she said.

‘Hello. You look...’ He registered the gentle swell of her stomach. ‘…Well.’

‘I’m pregnant, not fat. You can say congratulations.’

Kent smiled. ‘Congratulations.’

‘Are you ill?’ she asked.

‘Ill?’

‘You’re in a hospital.’

Kent shook his head. ‘I was visiting Ben.’

‘Ah,’ Sue said. ‘Yes, I understand he has had a procedure.’

‘Indeed.’ Kent licked his lips. ‘Uh, well...’

Sue checked her watch. ‘I’m going to get lunch. Would you care to join me?’

‘It’s barely eleven.’

‘Again, I’m pregnant,’ Sue said. ‘I eat what I want, when I want.’

Kent nodded. ‘Italian?’

‘Naturally.’

 ***

‘Shrimp in the curtains is such a cliché,’ Kent said.

‘But effective.’ Sue tapped a little pepper on her food. ‘And Gary is not known for innovative thinking.’

‘You assume it was Gary?’

‘Can you see Selina unpicking hems and meticulously stitching them up again?’

‘I cannot.’

‘Precisely.’ Sue took a bite of food. ‘Ben put a fish in his desk. Down behind the drawers. It took nearly a week to find.’

Kent nearly gagged. ‘I believe you are making this up.’

‘I don’t make things up,’ she said severely.

Kent shook his head. ‘Those are both needlessly juvenile and antagonistic.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Didn’t you arrange for the accreditation of those Spanish speaking correspondents?’

Kent sipped his wine. ‘The United States has a significant Spanish speaking population.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘You knew they would ask Montez questions in Spanish. Long, complex questions.’

Kent shrugged innocently. ‘Montez speaks Spanish.’

‘As well as I speak Klingon,’ Sue said. ‘I’m sure you found her ensuing humiliation very satisfying.’

He thought about it. ‘The memes were amusing.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘She despises social media. She particular hates any memes or other jokes at her expense.’

Kent snorted. ‘I would suggest she is going to find the business of being the president greatly trying.’

Sue rubbed her stomach. ‘How are you finding life outside politics?’

‘Fine, I’ve done it before. I have a couple of consultancies and a part-time professorship,’ he said. ‘Two lectures a week and a TA does all the marking.’

See raised an eyebrow. ‘I have always thought that academia suited you.’

‘Thank you, I think,’ he said cautiously. ‘Pregnancy appears to suit you.’

There was a pause, but only for a moment. ‘You could ask me about work,’ she said. ‘Motherhood is not my job.’

‘You already told me about work,’ Kent said.

‘Oh,’ Sue said.

‘Long day?’

She gave him a death glare. He smirked slightly.

Sue flicked a drop of water at him. ‘Are you seeing anyone?’

‘Women always ask that. Men never do.’

‘I heard that you’d been squiring Minna Häkkinen,’ Sue said.

Kent shrugged. ‘Then why did you ask?’

‘It was a rumour. They are frequently untrue.’ Sue pursed her lips. ‘Her work with the IMF keeps her on the radar in POTUS’s office.’

Kent swallowed a mouthful of food. ‘We have been spending some time together.’

‘I see.’ Sue clasped her hands together. ‘Is she better at Jenga than I am?’

He chuckled. ‘Nobody is better at Jenga than you are.’

Sue nodded. ‘Good.’ She sipped her juice. ‘You could do worse than Ms Häkkinen.’

‘Ben’s wife has been fixing me up with the drunken, baffled, or merely very stupid.’ Kent rubbed his thumb across his moustache. ‘Minna is none of those things.’

‘I know your bar is considerably higher than that.’

‘Yes,’ Kent agreed. ‘But it seemed tactless to praise her too highly.’

Sue’s mouth twitched. ‘True, yet no woman wishes to be held in company with a fool. I assume that she was deliberately provoking Selina much of the time.’

‘We haven’t discussed it; however, I suspect your supposition is correct.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘She has declined several invitations to meet Montez.’

‘Minna isn’t a fan of her politics,’ Kent said.

‘You should encourage her to accept an imitation to a state dinner.’

Kent frowned. ‘Why?’

‘Because if you went with her, then Montez would have to be polite to you. It would be amusing.’

Kent snorted. ‘Only amusing to you, and Montez has always been courteous when I’ve spoken to her.’

‘Presumably she wasn’t aware you arranged to accredit the Spanish-language journalists.’

Kent wiped his beard and moustache with his napkin. ‘I haven’t spoken to her since the inauguration.’

Sue neatly arranged her cutlery on her empty plate. ‘Did POTUS ask you to stay?’

‘That would be telling.’

‘This has been fun,’ Sue said.

‘Yes.’

 


	3. Chapter 3

‘There’s no need to apologise,’ Sasha said.

‘I didn’t express myself with the dignity that I would like.’

Sasha gave him a mug of herbal tea. ‘I understand that remaining calm and controlled is important to you. However, this your therapy. It’s a safe space for you to get angry, to express pain or unhappiness as well as joy.’ She sat down. ‘Nobody will judge or punish you for that.’

‘I’m not looking for external approval.’

Sasha held up her hands. ‘Okay, message understood. But, I want to make sure you understand that, in therapy, getting angry isn’t itself a bad thing. If you never feel anything then I’m not doing my job properly.’

Kent was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m aware that I have some issues with social interaction,’ he said. ‘Forming social bonds is neither easy nor pleasant for me. Deepening those bonds is... problematic.’

‘Why do you think that is?’ Sasha asked.

‘I find it... disconcerting.’ Kent shrugged. ‘It’s not me.’

Sasha nodded. ‘If something is difficult or uncomfortable then it’s not worth doing, gotcha.’

He frowned at her. ‘Is sarcasm an appropriate way to talk to a client?’

‘It’s a way you respond to,’ Sasha said. ‘You don’t respond to warmth or nurturing. You respond to being challenged.’

‘Do grown men normally wish to be cosseted and infantilised?’

Sasha ignored his tone. ‘It’s very common for them to seek a reassuring and almost maternal presence, yes.’ She made a note on her pad. ‘Particularly among men in high-powered and extremely responsible positions.’

‘Oh.’

Sasha smiled slightly. ‘Isn’t that why you’re chafing a little at my using sarcasm, because on some level you want some gentleness?’

‘It’s not... it’s not something that I greatly concern myself with.’

‘If you prefer I won’t be sarcastic again,’ she offered.

Kent folded his arms. ‘You did it to get a reaction.’

‘To a degree.’ Sasha took a breath. ‘When you mention women that you’ve dated, you describe them in certain terms: determined, commanding, magnificent, intelligent, sharp, statuesque. You use words associated with strength but none of them suggest accessibility, friendliness, or affection.’

Kent’s face took on a slightly pinched expression. ‘Isn’t the idea that women have to be warm and fuzzy rather sexist as well as outmoded?’

‘Let me put it another way; you don’t know Sue’s age.’ Sasha licked her lips. ‘You didn’t know that she doesn’t share your interest in movies.’

Kent felt the colour rise in his cheeks. ‘It was never discussed.’

‘You never asked,’ she said gently. ‘Even now, you know more about Ben’s interests, about Selina Meyer’s interests, than you know about Sue’s. I’d ask you to think about why that is.’

Kent knitted his fingers together. ‘I know Minna’s age,’ he offered. ‘And her son’s. I know she gets alarmingly enthusiastic about Russell Crowe movies and terrifyingly aggressive about board games.’

‘Good.’ Sasha pushed back a lock of her hair. ‘How would you describe Minna’s character?’

Kent shrugged. ‘She’s… forthright, intelligent, and open. Humorous, when the mood strikes her.’

‘Do you hear the difference in how you describe Sue and Minna?’ Sasha asked.

‘Sue has a sense of humour,’ Kent said. ‘It’s very dry.’ He toyed with his jacket. ‘Sue is... complex.’

‘She’s more than an unapproachable icon.’

He shifted in his seat. ‘I never said she was that.’

‘Not directly. This time last year you would have run away from a relationship with a woman you didn’t have on a pedestal.’

Kent squinted at her. ‘That’s a good thing?’

‘It’s progress. So, is there anything particular that you’d like to discuss?’

He licked his lips. ‘I… I saw Sue. I met her at the hospital when I was visiting Ben.’

Sasha pushed her glasses up her nose. ‘Oh?’

‘She’s pregnant.’ Kent dropped his gaze to his hands and tapped his thumbs together. ‘She was there to have a check-up.’

‘You spoke to her?’

‘Certainly,’ he said, looking up. ‘Actually, she spoke to me. I didn’t see her until she addressed me. She uh, she asked me to lunch.’

Sasha was watching him thoughtfully. ‘How was it?’

‘The fish was a little overcooked.’

Sasha smiled. ‘How was it talking to Sue?’

A muscle twitched in Kent’s cheek. ‘Ah. She seems well. We discussed work mostly. Someone had been gossiping about my relationship with Minna so she asked about that.’

‘Oh?’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘She said that I could do worse.’

‘High praise indeed.’

He waved his hand. ‘It is as much as one could hope for from Sue.’

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘Did you discuss her pregnancy?’

Kent shook his head. ‘Not really. I told her that it appeared to suit her and she said that motherhood was not her profession.’

‘It’s may be something she’s grown bored of discussing,’ Sasha said. ‘Or simply something that she doesn’t wish to discuss with a former boyfriend.’

Kent nodded. ‘Sue is an intensely private woman.’

Sasha brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘I’m more interested in how you feel about her pregnancy.’

He played with his jacket buttons. ‘I… It wasn’t something that I anticipated. Statistically most adults reproduce but it wasn’t a societal norm to which I expected Sue to subscribe.’

‘Why not?’

‘She just…’ Kent shrugged. ‘She’s very focussed on her work.’

‘And women can’t have careers and families?’ Sasha asked.

He groaned softly. ‘That’s not what I’m saying. You know that’s not what I believe.’

Sasha smiled slightly. ‘I can’t read your mind, Kent. I know it’s certainly not what you say. I know that you seem to prefer working with women. Many of them career-minded women with families.’

‘That’s different.’

‘How so?’  

Kent shook his head. ‘Sue’s not… She’s quite an insular woman. Contained.’

Sasha shrugged. ‘That’s your perception of her.’

‘Well, I can only speak to my own perceptions,’ he said sharply.

She regarded him for a long moment. ‘Is it fair to say that _your_ perception of her is quite contained? Motherhood is wildly outside your image of her.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘I suppose that’s true.’

‘When you and Sue dated did you discuss having children?’ Sasha asked.

Kent gave her a sour look. ‘As you have pointed out, we didn’t even discuss interests.’

‘The two things are hardly comparable,’ Sasha said. ‘Failure to agree on an interest might lead to a ruined evening. Failure to agree on children might lead to a ruined relationship. Did she never mention anything?

Kent shook his head. ‘It’s no secret that I dislike children. It’s reasonably probable that she knew that.’

‘If everyone who professed to disliking children remained childless we might have a much smaller population.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Perhaps they are persuaded by their partners.’

‘Would you have been persuaded if Sue had raised it?’ Sasha asked.

Kent looked away. ‘I am not fatherhood material.’

‘Biologically speaking, as long as you have fully functioning parts then you are.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘You of all people do not believe that parenthood begins with conception and ends with birth. Children are a huge responsibility, one with little return, and one which I am given to understand is, at best, an exercise in damage limitation.’

Sasha laughed. ‘How so?’

‘Being a perfect parent is impossible,’ he said bluntly. ‘Raising children becomes an endless quest to do the least amount of damage possible. I cannot think of any activity I would willingly choose to pursue where the simple act of participating automatically makes things worse.’

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘You don’t wish to have children because you worry you won’t be good enough at it?’

‘That’s... that’s not what I said,’ Kent said.

Sasha smiled. ‘You seem to have given it a great deal more thought than many parents.’

‘The fact that people don’t take a responsibility seriously doesn’t diminish its importance.’

‘And the fact that you worry you wouldn’t be a perfect parent, doesn’t diminish what you have to offer to a child.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘I can’t even successfully navigate a relationship. Let’s not pretend I could care for a child.’

‘Do you plan to see Sue again?’

‘No. I can’t see any reason I would.’

***

‘Where’s your husband?’ Joyce asked.

‘He’s away working,’ Sue said. ‘He was unable to get back at short notice.’

‘He’ll have to come another time,’ Joyce said, taking Sue’s arm. ‘Come and tell me all about your plans for the baby.’

Ben clipped a cigar. ‘Never thought I’d see Sue maternal.’

‘You haven’t yet,’ Kent said.

‘The maternal instinct can be proud and fierce,’ Minna said. ‘It can drive women to acts of incredible courage or violence.’

‘Sounds more like Selina Meyer,’ Kent said.

They followed Ben out onto the patio. Ben lit his cigar. He ignored their disapproving looks as he inhaled deeply.

‘You see her?’ Ben asked.

‘Selina? No,’ Kent turned to Minna. ‘You have I think?’

‘Yes. She is very bitter about losing the presidency and losing credit for Tibet.’ Minna’s nose wrinkled. ‘Although I think she never understood the detail.’

Kent snorted. ‘She understood, she merely preferred her version.’

‘That is a kind of insanity, you cannot pick and choose reality,’ Minna said.

‘Why not? Everyone else does,’ Ben said. He looked at Kent. ‘You miss it? The White House? How about you Miss Häkkinen, you miss being in power?’

Minna shook her head. ‘I am relieved not to be responsible for so many lives.’

‘Life outside the West Wing can seem rather sedate in comparison,’ Kent said.

‘Yeah, my work is boring as fuck too,’ Ben said.

‘Given your recent medical problems, I am surprised that your life isn’t exciting enough,’ Kent said.

Ben waved his hand, wafting cigar smoke. ‘Heart problems are old hat. I need something new.’

Minna turned to Kent. ‘This is the graveyard humour, yes?’

‘Gallows humour.’

‘To disguise deeply felt distress and anxiety?’ Minna asked.

‘I don’t feel jackshit anymore,’ Ben said. ‘Too callous and tasteless. Ask Kent, he’ll tell you.’

Minna gave Ben a piercing look. ‘I know what I see.’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘It’s a little early in the evening for this.’

Minna kissed Kent. ‘I am suffering a hot flush. I will return shortly.’

Ben heaved himself into a chair as Kent closed the door behind her. ‘She’s a barrel of monkeys.’

Kent shrugged. ‘I find her company refreshing.’

‘Let’s hope that Sue does too, or if not that they don’t break anything. I love a good catfight but they sure as shit get destructive.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Do you have a reason to suspect some antipathy between them or is this merely a bizarre sexual fantasy conjured up by a diseased mind?’

Ben gave him a jaundiced look. ‘Don’t play fucking dumb.’

‘Failure to follow your frequently disordered and permanently illogical thinking is not indicative of lack of intelligence.’

Ben glanced back through the window to see if Minna was returning ‘The current girlfriend and the ex,’ he said. ‘The only thing worse than them hating each other is them getting along.’

‘Since I never cheated on one with the other, I don’t share your alarm at the idea.’

***

Kent sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. He had mixed feelings about the night so far. Seeing Sue again had... irritated a little part of himself that he had imagined had died, or was at least insensate. He hadn’t been looking forward to meeting her husband. Yet, at some point he would probably have to, and perhaps it would be helpful. He would see Sue being affectionate to another man and it would smother anything he still felt for her.

He wasn’t bitter. He wasn’t angry. He didn’t want to forget about it. She was married. He was dating. She had moved on with her characteristic lack of sentimentality or regret. He needed to do the same.

‘Kent?’

He blinked and stood up, offering her his chair. ‘Sue, I believe everyone else is looking at Joyce’s baby albums.’

‘Despite being the size of a pea, I still find myself seeking relief more often,’ Sue said.

Kent frowned. ‘You’re the size of a pea?’

‘My child is,’ she said. ‘Yet it puts pressure on my bladder.’

‘Ah.’ Kent rubbed his hands together. ‘Children aren’t my forte.’

‘You dealt with two separate presidents. A child should be simple.’

‘Screaming: check. Self-centred: check. Utter disregard for others: check. I believe you may be right.’

Sue’s lips twitched into a small smile. ‘Joyce thinks I made a mistake.’

‘Oh?’

‘Ending our relationship.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘She isn’t known for her tact and discretion.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that all you have to say?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Are you feeling slighted that I’m dating someone else?’

‘Somewhat,’ Sue said.

Kent blinked. ‘It was your choice to part ways. You’re married to someone else. You’re pregnant. You don’t seriously expect me to never date anyone again.’

Sue leaned down to rub her feet. ‘No, but you told me that you loved me. I know you carried that long after we parted ways.’

‘I seem to recall my declaration making you rather angry,’ Kent said tersely.

Sue looked at him. ‘You used it like a weapon, only bringing it out when I told you our relationship was over. That was cruel, Kent.’

‘You hardly encouraged me to say it earlier,’ he said quietly.

‘You didn’t want to be encouraged. You wanted to be denied.’ She stood and kissed his cheek. ‘Don’t pout. Minna cares for you. She’s a much nicer person than I am.’

* * *

Minna was in the shower. Kent listened to the sound of the water for a few minutes and then went to make coffee. His apartment was nearer to Ben’s house than her hotel room, and she liked to snoop. If he’d walked in and caught her, then he would have been irritated. However, she had made a point of telling him, in her oddly earnest way. It was strangely charming, especially when she explained it by saying that she was interested in learning about him. Sue and he hadn’t managed that. She wasn’t interested and he... he liked that Sue was an enigma. He had preferred that. At the time, he hadn’t wondered why.   

Curiosity padded into the kitchen. Kent bent to pet her and recoiled. ‘Why are you soaking wet?’

She chirped, and reared up on her back legs to bunt his hand.

Kent looked up as the door opened. Minna had her damp hair around her shoulders and to Kent’s untrained eye she looked pale and a little ill. He had been told meant she merely meant that she wasn’t wearing makeup.

‘Do you know why she’s drenched?’

‘She wished to get in the shower with me.’

‘You put my cat in the shower?’ Kent demanded, his voice rising.

Minna frowned. ‘No, I opened the door and she came inside. I left the door open, but she did not leave.’ She shrugged. ‘Some cats like water.’

Kent took a tea towel and knelt down to dry Curiosity.

‘Do not use me to assuage your anger at Sue,’ Minna said.

Kent looked up. ‘I thought you had –’

‘You have been angry since you were alone with her,’ Minna interrupted. ‘I am also angry. We had angry sex. Now is the time to discuss these things.’

Kent looked at Curiosity as he rubbed her fur. ‘Why’re you angry?’

‘You did not tell me that Sue was your lover,’ she said.

Kent looked up. ‘We haven’t been dating very long. I didn’t think we were at the point of discussing our exes. You haven’t told me any of yours.’

Minna folded her arms. ‘I would if you were going to spend the evening with him.’

Kent slowly nodded his head. ‘You are quite right. Apologies.’

She knelt down and petted Curiosity. ‘Why are you angry?’

Kent sighed. ‘We, Sue and I, had a brief discussion about the failure of our relationship. She annoyed me.’

‘How?’

‘Her ego was bruised that I had moved on despite her doing so first. She said...’ He took a breath and started again. ‘When she terminated our relationship, I attempted to change her mind. I told her that I loved her. Tonight, she said that was cruel.’ He stood up. ‘The woman in miniature: a hypocrite who describes a desperate declaration of love as cruelty.’

***

Kent had never been to a United Nations party before. He hadn’t enjoyed official functions when they were part of his working life, but now he was a civilian he could relax a little.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

Kent turned around. His stomach clenched. ‘Good Evening, Ma’am.’

He hadn’t seen Selina since the inauguration. He hadn’t anticipated the pleasure again.

‘Are you working for the UN now?’ she asked.

‘No,’ he said. ‘My companion is a special ambassador.’

Selina started to smile. ‘You’re here as arm candy?’

Kent nodded agreeably. ‘Indeed so.’

‘Jesus, wouldn’t have seen that coming.’ Selina sipped her drink. ‘So, you see any of the gang recently?’

‘The... Oh. Ben, a few times. Dan in passing. I understand that Gary and Amy remain with you?’

Selina rolled her eyes. ‘For all the good they do. Have you seen Sue?’ She waved a hand towards the other end of the room. ‘Working for fucking Montez, can you believe the sheer rank disloyalty?’

‘Sue’s here?’

‘Yeah, over there somewhere, cosying up to Laura the Explorer,’ Selina said. ‘I tell you, all I need now is for the Finnish... oh fuck.’

‘Selina,’ Minna said politely. ‘I almost did not recognise you all alone without your staff.’ She touched Kent’s forearm. ‘I have to speak in secret with the Chinese premier. I will be back soon.’

‘Sure,’ Kent said.

‘It’s not much of a secret if you tell people,’ Selina said.

‘We have all seen what happens when you allow the Chinese too much secrecy.’ Minna gave a nod. ‘I hope to speak to you later, Selina.’

Selina watched her go and then turned to Kent. ‘So, you and Minna with the touching and the secret meeting into…’

‘I’m her arm candy,’ Kent said wryly.

Selina threw her whiskey back. ‘Why?’

‘Why?’ Kent echoed.

‘Yeah, Christ! Why? The woman is dumb as a box of rocks, I fucking hope, rude, and constantly sabotages me.’

Kent rubbed his nose. ‘She’s by no means unintelligent. She is amusing, good-natured, and affectionate. More than that, she asked.’

Selina squinted at him. ‘She asked?’

‘Yes.’

‘You cannot be so hard up for... Never mind. You’re fucking Minna. Sue is working for Laura. Gary didn’t come tonight because his girlfriend’s son has a parents’ night. My life is a fucking shambles.’

‘It’s not about you,’ Kent said. ‘Most things aren’t about you and it’s a relief to be able to say that.’

‘I know that,’ Selina said. ‘Just like I knew you were a two-faced prick.’

Kent swirled his drink around his glass. ‘A two-faced prick who worked eighty-hour weeks without complaint or thanks to achieve what you wanted. We might not have liked you, but we worked as if we loved you, and you barely knew we existed.’

‘I’d have liked you a lot better if you’d been this honest when you worked for me,’ Selina said mildly.

‘You would have dismissed me,’ Kent said.

Selina grinned. ‘Yeah, but I’d have respected you.’

‘Alas, I cannot pay my bills with respect,’ Kent said. ‘We are not the Mafia.’

Selina snorted. ‘I wish I could fit some people with cement overshoes or send them a horse’s head.’

‘You’re still young,’ Kent said. ‘It’s not too late for a career change.’

Selina laughed. ‘Jesus, don’t tempt me.’ She swapped her glass for another from a waiter. ‘Think Minna would mind if we went for a wander around the building?’

‘Are we allowed?’

‘It wouldn’t be fun if it was allowed,’ Selina said. ‘And I have twenty-something years’ worth of fun to catch up on.’

***

Selina’s high heels scraped and squealed against the marble steps, making Kent cringe each time. Eventually she took them off and then cursed.

‘The floor is freezing!’

‘It’s marble, what did you expect?’

‘Nobody likes a smartass,’ Selina retorted. She looked at a vast painting that covered an entire wall. ‘Christ, that’s ugly.’

‘That’s a matter of opinion.’

Selina gave him a crooked look. ‘You like it so much why don’t you take it?’

‘Sure, I’ll just stick it under my shirt.’

‘Dare you.’

‘Did you ever do that?’

‘I don’t wear shirts.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Take a souvenir.’

‘Did I steal from famous places?’ Selina asked. ‘Looking to get dirt for your memoirs?’

‘Ben’s the one writing his memoirs.’

‘But I’ll be in them, right?’

Kent nodded. ‘I’m sure you will. Undoubtedly the publisher would insist.’

Selina straightened a little. ‘Not like that fucker Hughes would be worth reading about.’

‘The only interesting part of his presidency was the hostage situation and he blamed that on you.’

‘Right. Right, and I still get offers for my diaries or to be interviewed for this or appear in that.’

For possibly the first time, Kent tried to remember what he’d seen of her recently.

‘You must be very busy with your...’

‘My foundation,’ she said. ‘Yeah, just crazy busy.’

Of course, every failed politician had a foundation.

Kent balanced his empty glass on a shelf. ‘Doubtless they do a lot of good for the...’

‘Poor and needy moms,’ Selina said. ‘The sorta stuff I wanted to achieve with Families First before those bastards ruined everything.’

‘Let’s be honest, Madam, you will maintain more of your vision this way. Politics is all compromise.’

‘Oh, absolutely, yeah. Really this is the best outcome. Being president fucks you up. It adds goddamn decades to your looks, ruins your health, it shortens your life. Who wants that?’

Kent shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t.’

‘Have you looked at Montez? She looks fucking ill. Skeletal. You can see the stress is telling on her already.’

Kent _had_ looked at Montez and hadn’t noticed any difference, but he nodded all the same. ‘The presidency is a heavy burden.’

‘Exactly,’ Selina said, a little too brightly. ‘Who wants that miserable life?’

***

Minna had reappeared and was chatting to Sue. Kent straightened his tuxedo as he approached.

‘We were wondering if you had gone to some closet to have sexual intercourse with Selina,’ Minna said.

Kent frowned. ‘If I were going to have sex with Selina Meyer, it wouldn’t be in a closet at the UN.’

Sue’s lips twitched slightly. ‘Where _would_ you have sex with her?’

‘Her home. My home. A hotel. All of them more practical.’

‘Sex is not practical,’ Sue said.

‘There are some people who find it exciting to risk capture,’ Minna said.

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘That is the kind of excitement without which I can easily live.’

‘You prefer your crimes to be committed within work hours,’ Sue said.

Kent narrowed his eyes and took in her very slight swaying.

‘You might consider avoiding slander,’ he said mildly.

‘Slander is untrue,’ she said.

‘Has Selina returned?’ Minna asked. ‘I don’t see her.’

‘I suspect she is avoiding you,’ Kent said. ‘She seems to be feeling rather fragile.’

Minna frowned. ‘That is a polite way of saying intoxicated?’

‘No, it’s a polite way of saying miserable, depressed, and self-pitying. She’s desperately clawing for any kind of relevance. It’s all rather… sad.’

‘I should say hello,’ Sue said.

‘You shouldn’t,’ Kent said. ‘She’s taken you working for Montez rather personally.’

Sue scowled. ‘What did she say?’

‘Something about disloyalty.’

It was Minna that grabbed Sue’s arm as she spun around.

‘You are intoxicated,’ Minna said. ‘You will regret tomorrow causing a scene tonight.’ She put down her glass. ‘Is your husband home?’

Sue shook her heads. ‘He’s... He’s away. Business. Somewhere.’

‘We will take you home,’ Minna said.

Kent hastily swallowed a mouthful of champagne. ‘We will? We will.’

***

Kent wasn’t surprised that Sue was living in the same house. She was a creature of habit and, more than that, would consider being in a home owned by someone else to be intolerable.

Inside looked much the same as he had last seen it, with the exception of a catalogue of baby books on the coffee table. He helped Minna get Sue into the master bedroom and then left them to it. In truth, he was... concerned. Sue had always enjoyed a drink. Too much drink at times, certainly, which was quite common in D.C. But she was also extremely proud. He was sure that she would do all she could to be a responsible parent. The idea of her drinking while pregnant, getting drunk while pregnant, ran counter to everything he thought he knew about her.

Minna walked into the living room. She checked her watch. ‘Shall we have a cup of coffee?’

‘We can’t simply help ourselves to Sue’s coffee!’

Minna moved to the kitchen door. ‘After preventing her humiliation in a public venue, it is the littlest we can ask for.’

Kent frowned as he followed her. ‘We’ll have to clean up after.’

There wasn’t much food in the refrigerator and no take-out or leftovers. Kent wasn’t hungry, he was looking for milk not food, he merely had certain expectations of how married people lived.

‘There’s only one box of cereal on the shelf,’ he remarked. ‘And one washed up cup on the sink.’

Minna nodded. ‘I looked in the closets upstairs –’

‘Minna, overstepping social boundaries of this nature is why people sometimes dislike you.’

She looked at him. ‘You do not wish to know what I found?’

Kent poured the coffee. ‘No.’

‘Very well.’

He sighed. ‘I’m concerned. Getting drunk while pregnant... Is she not really pregnant?’

Minna took her coffee black. ‘She is pregnant. She told me the child was kicking and invited me to feel.’

He tapped his thumbs on the mug he was holding. ‘Is what you found in the closets important?’

‘To her, yes.’ Minna sipped her coffee.

‘Tell me,’ he said quietly.

‘There are no men’s clothes. Or shoes. One set of beauty products in the bathroom.’

Kent covered his eyes. ‘He left her?’

Minna shrugged. ‘Perhaps she expelled him from the house.’

‘No,’ Kent said firmly. ‘She wouldn’t be keeping up this pretence. Her righteous indignation would ring forth.’

Minna finished her coffee. ‘She does not wish us to know?’

‘I think she’d find it irritating, at best,’ Kent said. ‘We cannot tell anyone else or allow her to realise that we know.’

Minna kissed him. Kent groaned.

‘Why did you do that?’ he asked.

‘You are considerate and kind to your former lover despite being angry,’ Minna said. ‘That is good. It is good to know.’

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

‘How do you feel about that?’ Sasha asked.

‘I’m sure that she’ll do an excellent job,’ Kent said. ‘Children raised by single parents, when all other variables are accounted for, do as well as those raised by two.’

‘How do you feel about her husband leaving her?’

Kent crossed his legs. ‘I never met him. I have no idea what their relationship was like. I’m in no position to pass judgement.’

‘I’m not asking you to judge, I’m asking how you feel.’

Kent sighed. ‘I’m somewhat concerned for her. She’s clearly in some distress. I feel... sad for her.’

‘Anything else?’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Such as?’

‘Minna pointed out that you got angry at Sue very quickly at Ben’s. That suggests you still have some lingering feelings.’

‘That seems to be reaching,’ Kent said. ‘I never desired her unhappiness.’

***

Minna was in Stockholm for two weeks. Kent rather enjoyed the first few days alone but then found the time had begun to drag. He finally resorted to inviting Ben and Joyce around.

‘Who else is coming?’ Joyce asked on the phone.

‘Ben didn’t tell you that Minna is away?’

‘Yes, yes, but what about your new colleagues? And Sue and her husband. You must invite them.’

Kent rolled his eyes, glad she couldn’t see him. ‘Sue is not my friend, Joyce. She’s my ex. Inviting her, then, would be... weird.’

‘She’ll never be your friend with attitude!’ Joyce scolded. ‘You invite them around. Maybe her husband will be nice. Men need more friends. You especially. You have both dated Sue, it’s something you have in common.’

Kent was silent for several seconds. ‘Joyce, I say this with respect and affection, are you mentally ill? Are you off some kind of medication?’

She laughed, thinking it was a witticism. Kent didn’t, he knew it wasn’t.

 * * *

‘Jesus,’ Ben said, heaving himself into a chair. ‘Minna’s run off somewhere too?’

‘Stockholm,’ Kent said, putting a tureen of soup on the table.

‘Where is Sean?’ Joyce asked Sue.

Now he was watching for it. Kent saw the panic flash in Sue’s eyes. ‘S... Sweden,’ she said. ‘A little town I had never heard of. I don’t recall the name.’

Kent almost suggested one of the places he had ridden through a few years ago on his bike tour, but then Sue would realise that he knew.

‘I rode through Sweden a few years ago,’ he said instead.

‘On your unicorn?’ Ben asked.

‘On my motorcycle, funny man,’ Kent said. ‘Although I can ride a horse.’

‘You cannot ride a horse,’ Sue said.

‘I went to summer camps when I was a boy. There were various activities, including horse riding.’

‘Horses are hysterical, panicky animals,’ Sue said. ‘I wouldn’t go near one or a motorcycle.’

‘They can be highly-strung, I grant you,’ Kent said.

‘Politicians are hysterical and panicky animals,’ Ben said. ‘You hang out with them all the time.’

‘I don’t anticipate POTUS kicking me in the face or throwing me so badly that I break my back,’ Sue said tartly.

‘If we’re gonna talk about riding POTUS I need to loosen my belt,’ Ben said.

‘Ben!’ Joyce protested.

‘There’s the Ben we know and loathe,’ Kent said.

‘I’m not comfortable with sexual comments about the president,’ Sue said severely. ‘I have to work with her.’

Ben prodded his food. ‘You two are no fun but that’s about what I expect.’

‘What do you and Sean do for fun?’ Joyce asked Sue.

Kent left them talking about art while he went to take the next course out of the stove.

A floorboard creaked under Ben’s heavy step.

‘You got more brandy?’ Ben asked.

‘No, but I have whiskey over there.’

Ben grunted as he opened the bottle. ‘So, Minna’s in Switzerland?’

‘Stockholm,’ Kent said. He gave Ben a wary look. ‘You normally have a better memory than that.’

‘I remember fine,’ Ben said. ‘Wanted to see if you could keep your story straight.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t have a story.’

‘There’s not one trace of her in the place and your selling some bullshit story about Stockholm.’

Kent chuckled. ‘She doesn’t live here and she’s at a conference for women’s rights. Please feel free to Google.’

‘Don’t tempt me.’

‘As I thought,’ Kent said. ‘You don’t wish to be disappointed.’

Ben hiked up his pants. ‘That’s right. I’m itching to see you screw up another robot approximation of a relationship. It’s what gets me up in the morning.’

‘I thought that was vodka and Viagra.’

‘With my heart? I can live or I can run up my flagpole, I can’t do both.’

‘Charming,’ Kent said.

Ben headed back towards the door. ‘So, uh, everything with Minna?

‘Everything?’

Ben growled under his breath. ‘You haven’t driven that one to marry some random guy?’

‘Not yet.’

‘Well, everyone needs a goal in life.’

***

‘The only significant inconvenience I have had is in putting together furniture,’ Sue said.

‘What’s the point of having a husband who can’t put furniture together?’ Ben asked.

‘I wonder the same thing,’ Joyce said. ‘Frequently.’

‘Sean is very busy,’ Sue said. ‘When he gets home he rarely has the time or energy to put together a crib or changing table.’

‘Is there someone who can help you?’ Joyce said. ‘You must have some big strong male friends?’

Sue’s eyes widened. ‘I do not have male friends, big and strong or otherwise.’

‘Try not to take it too personally,’ Ben said to Kent.

‘We’re former lovers, not friends,’ Kent said.

‘I am not friends with my exes,’ Sue said coldly.

‘I am,’ Kent said. ‘Where possible.’

Ben snickered. ‘Shots fired.’

There was a little twitch in Sue’s cheek. Kent’s eye was drawn to the movement of her hands: she was turning her wedding and engagement rings round and round.

Shit.

‘I’ll help with your furniture,’ Kent offered unwillingly. ‘Unless that would make you uncomfortable.’

It was supposed to be an escape clause, but seeing her expression he realised she had taken it more as a challenge. ‘Would Sunday afternoon be convenient?’ she asked.

‘Sure,’ Kent said.

***

Kent considered himself a relatively practical, hands-on person. He didn’t have a tool shed but he did have a small bag of good quality tools to which he occasionally added a new acquisition. Minna regarded it with quiet fascination. Kent had, in a fit of uncharacteristic whimsy, refused to let her see inside it. Now she was as interested in it as Curiosity facing a closed door.

‘You don’t let me see inside your purse,’ he said.

Minna’s eyes widened. ‘My purse is not to be seen by a man!’

‘And my tool bag is not to be seen by a woman.’

After a moment, Minna giggled. ‘This is innuendo, yes?’

‘Somewhat accidentally, yes.’ He picked up the bag as he stood.

‘Please do not sleep with Sue.’

‘What?’

Minna stood. ‘Please do not sleep with Sue.’

‘I have no intention of doing so,’ he said. ‘I am quite sure she has no intention of sleeping with me.’

‘Her husband has abandoned her. She is pregnant and alone. Vulnerable.’ 

Kent snorted. ‘Sue Wilson is never vulnerable.’

‘If you believe that then you do not know her so well. Only the picture she wishes you to see.’

***

It wasn’t right. He knew that. Sue was many things, but she was not vulnerable, fragile, delicate or anything of that nature.  She would rip out his throat rather than admit any or those things. She wasn’t interested in Kent, romantically or otherwise. He was merely a resource to be utilized. If, for some reason, she had the intention of sleeping with him then she wouldn’t play games or use a story about furniture to lure him to the house.

‘I didn’t know if you were going to come,’ Sue said.

‘I said I would.’

‘You didn’t want to,’ She walked into the living room.’ You only said you would to appease Joyce.’

***

Sue had carefully put up wedding photographs. They had certainly not been there when he and Minna had brought Sue home. Kent ignored them, both because he didn’t want to make it more difficult for her to admit the truth, and because it gave him a twinge of sadness. Could he have had that with Sue? No, almost certainly not. Yet there had been something between them, and he knew that he was the one who had destroyed what they had.

‘Coffee?’ Sue asked. ‘Or are you only drinking herbal tea?’

‘Coffee would be nice.’

She had laid the pieces and the instructions on a large piece of plastic sheeting in the living room. Kent put his tool bag on the plastic sheet, rolled up his sleeves, and sat down cross-legged. He was reading the instructions when Sue returned with his coffee and her glass of water.

‘Men aren’t supposed to do that,’ she said.

‘I didn’t get the memo.’ Kent sipped his coffee. ‘If you wish, I can grunt and beat my chest in a manly fashion.’

‘Perhaps later.’

Kent glanced at her. ‘I thought you’d just say no and possibly throw something at me.’

‘I’ve been told I’m too direct and need to equivocate more,’ she said.

‘That’s imbecilic.’ Kent began slotting parts together. ‘Studies show that women are often perceived as being weaker leaders and negotiators due to the social pressure on them not to be direct.’

Sue was smiling slightly. ‘I was told men find it aggressive and off-putting.’

Kent snorted. ‘Fragile men who cannot stand to be challenged or dealt with as equals. Men of that nature are not worth your time.’ He glanced at Sue. ‘You don’t care if someone finds you aggressive or off-putting.’

She straightened up slightly. ‘I do not.’

Kent returned his attention to the crib. ‘I always appreciated that. I understand that many people have their confidence and strength eroded by forces beyond their control. They aren’t responsible for their passivity or corrosive misery. However, dealing with those people is exhausting. Directness, even aggression, is far more honest and, I feel, more attractive.’ He waved his hand. ‘Not that my perception of female attractiveness is at all relevant.’

‘You have that backwards,’ Sue said.

Kent looked at her blankly.

‘I think you have that piece reversed.’

 Kent frowned. ‘Quite so.’

‘POTUS asked me about you,’ Sue said after a few minutes.

‘Why?’

Sue shrugged. ‘You were running around the UN building with Selina Meyer. It raised comment.’

Kent squinted as he turned the screwdriver. ‘Did you tell her that I strongly believe my cat speaks better Spanish?’

‘I told her that you were a renowned sexual athlete whose prowess was so well established that you no longer had to pursue and seduce women but instead merely waited for them to come to you.’

Kent waggled the screwdriver at her. ‘You should be glad I wasn’t hammering something. I might have broken my thumb. What did you actually tell her?’

Sue raised an eyebrow. That is what I actually told her.’

‘I’m serious.’

‘As am I.’

Kent sat back. ‘You didn’t honestly tell the woman I was some sort of Casanova?’

Sue sipped her water. ‘Yes.’

‘She and Minna move in the same circles,’ he said. ‘They are going to meet, quite possibly while I’m there.’

Sue’s mouth twitched at the corners. Her eyes were brighter than he’d seen recently.

‘Yes,’ Sue said. ‘I certainly hope so.’

‘Your sense of humour will get you in trouble one day,’ Kent grumbled.

‘Minna won’t begrudge me.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘She’ll either be amused or confused.’

‘She isn’t the sort of woman you generally pursue.’

‘I’m not a lion. I do not pursue women.’

‘You pursued me,’ Sue said. ‘Awkwardly, and with a certain anxiety, but it was a pursuit.’

Kent played with his screwdriver. ‘That was... That was different.’

‘You were infatuated,’ Sue said.

He shrugged. ‘A relatively rare occurrence for me.’

‘Should I be flattered?’

‘I’m not sure.’ Kent returned his attention to the crib. ‘Sasha thinks I didn’t wish to deal with you as a human being but put you a pedestal. Made you an unobtainable icon.’

‘Sasha sounds like an idiot,’ Sue said sharply.

Kent winced. ‘She’s my therapist.’

‘Why do you have a therapist? You’re one of the few sane people in D.C.’

He smiled to himself. ‘Perhaps that’s why.’

‘I wasn’t joking. Why pay exorbitant sums to be told that you work too hard and people who dislike you are jealous?’

‘She’s my therapist, not my mother,’ Kent said. ‘I had a period in which I was acutely unhappy. Sasha helped me gain some clarity. Now she’s trying to help me… establish a more realistic and sustainable relationship with Minna.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘Things are serious with Minna?’

‘No,’ he said. He caught her expression. ‘We like each other and enjoy each other’s company,’ he said. ‘I don’t know if there’s the potential for anything deeper. I’ve heard that it’s relatively rare. I suspect it is unrealistic to hope for great passion more than once in one’s life.’

Sue stood up abruptly. ‘Would you like lunch?’

Kent scanned her face but her expression was rigidly neutral. ‘Sure,’ he said.

***

‘You said she had a sense of humour,’ Sasha said, smiling.

Kent groaned. ‘I don’t recall it being quite so... mischievous.’

‘Her husband has left. She’s about to become a mother. A few months ago, her boss and all of her colleagues of years were replaced in their entirety by virtual strangers. She’s going through a huge amount of change and upheaval,’ Sasha said. ‘It’s hardly surprising that she’s shaking things up a little.’

‘Ben and Joyce are getting suspicious.’ Kent said. ‘Joyce invited us all around for Ben’s birthday, and of course Sean was mysteriously too busy to attend.’

‘Did they ask you about it?’

‘Joyce did. Ben just made comments when Sue wasn’t listening.’

‘Hmm, I’m beginning to see why you don’t want to claim him as your friend,’ Sasha said.

Kent bent forward to brush his pant leg with his hand. ‘Sue doesn’t invite pity.’

‘What about sympathy, or empathy? As independent and self-reliant as Sue is, she must be feeling at least somewhat exposed and vulnerable.’

Kent clenched his shoulders. ‘Minna said that. When I went to put together the crib she said... she said Sue was vulnerable and lonely.’

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘I think I can guess what else Minna said.’

‘Sue didn’t end our relationship to be with Sean. He wasn’t in our way,’ Kent said. ‘She has no more desire to be with me now then she did when we parted.’

Sasha leaned forward. ‘People who hurting, who are lonely, who are looking for a little warmth and comfort, don’t always think things through. Sometimes they accept someone simply because they’re asked. Because being unhappy and in pain with someone else, seems better than doing it by yourself.’

Kent looked away. ‘Are we talking about Sue or about me?’

‘Yes,’ Sasha said.


	5. Chapter 5

Kent wandered out into the garden and looked up at the stars. He hadn’t wanted to come to the party, but Minna had insisted. He needed to meet more people and make more friends, she said. Men of his age needed improved social connections, she said.

He heard someone fumbling with the patio doors: Mike, with the tradition shell-shocked expression of the parent of a baby. There being two babies hadn’t improved things.

‘Hey,’ Mike said, stumbling over. He stank of cigar smoke and brandy.

‘You smell like Ben,’ Kent said.

‘Oh God, really?’ Mike sniffed his jacket. ‘When am I going to have another chance to get drunk?’

‘Probably around the time your twins do.’

Mike smiled briefly, and then his face crumpled. ‘Oh, God.’

Kent sipped his drink. ‘How do you find being the primary caregiver?’

Mike’s face softened. ‘I love it! It’s great! Scary, but great.’

‘You look… tired.’

‘I could sleep for a month,’ Mike said. ‘But that’s okay!’ He gave Kent a lopsided look. ‘You ever think about having kids?’

‘Children terrify me,’ said Kent who had drunk enough to be honest but not enough to be kindly.

‘No, they don’t!’ Mike protested. ‘They’re tiny and fragile.’

‘Exactly.’ Kent shuddered. ‘The wrong movement and you crush their bones. The wrong tone, the wrong words, and you could crush their self-esteem. That level of responsibility without recompense is… not for me.’

‘It’s not like that,’ Mike protested. ‘You’re taking it too seriously.’

‘You’re not taking it seriously enough.’

Mike shook his head. ‘You’re a real downer.’

Kent shrugged. As Mike left, he checked his watch. They could probably leave without appearing rude in another fifteen minutes or so. That didn’t mean Minna would be ready to leave, but he meant to persuade her. She had been chatting animatedly to Selina when he had slipped away. Kent wasn’t sure why Minna persisted in friendly overtures to Selina. They weren’t appreciated or returned in anything but the most dismissive way.

‘Are you out of your fucking mind?’

Kent sighed as he turned. ‘Evidently, I am, since I came out here is search of some peace and quiet.’

‘You told Mike you’re scared of babies?’ Ben demanded.

‘And?’

‘And he’s told everyone! Do you know how most women respond to hearing that?’

Kent thought about it. ‘They make a note to never have me babysit?’

‘You wish.’ Ben’s brandy sloshed as he waved his hand. ‘They decide to help you get over your clearly irrational fear. You just basically challenged them all to “fix you,” and you know how much they all _love_ that.’

Kent felt himself growing red. ‘I don’t think you should describe half the population as if they all meet your old-fashioned, nineteen-fifties vision of how women behave.’

‘I’m trying to help you,’ Ben said. ‘Before they drag down the twins and make you change their diapers.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘I think we should be going.’

‘Gee, you think?’

He was hoping that Ben was lying or at least exaggerating wildly. It was a forlorn hope, he knew Ben well enough to spot most lies. As soon as Kent returned to the party he saw just how hopeless his hope had been. Heads turns and pitying glances came his way. He strode to Minna, but she was talking to Sue and Minna. One pregnant woman and two women with grown children. He knew that wasn’t going to end well.

‘Hi Kent!’

He looked at the woman clasping his arm and tried to place her face.

‘Oh, Wendy,’ he said, trying to tactfully reclaim his arm.

‘Look who I found, girls,’ Wendy said.

Selina was smirking. Sue and Minna looked mildly annoyed.

‘Mike was just telling us you’re scared of babies,’ Selina said.

‘I’ve never claimed to like children,’ he replied.

Sue put her hand on her bump.

‘You surely don’t dislike kids just because they make you nervous?’ Wendy asked, releasing his arm.

Kent shook his head. ‘I never claimed there was a causal link. Disliking children has been a life-long endeavour. While being nervous of babies is a purely adult enterprise.’

‘You require acclimatisation and practice,’ Sue said.

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Kent said.

Sue’s eyes narrowed.

‘But fears must be conquered,’ Minna argued. ‘Irrational fears especially.’

Kent crossed his arms. ‘It’s not at all irrational.’

‘Oh, this should be good,’ Selina said. ‘Explain how a baby could possibly hurt you.’

Kent squeezed the bridge of his nose. ‘I am not concerned that an infant might injure me, Ma’am, I am concerned that I might injure _it_.’

‘That is idiotic, ‘Sue said, harshly. ‘You would never harm a child.’

‘They have bones like… uncooked spaghetti,’ Kent said, ‘It would be extremely easy to –’

‘No,’ Sue said flatly. ‘You wouldn’t.’

‘Sue is correct,’ Minna said. Her face was slightly red but he couldn’t tell why. ‘Infants are more resilient then you imagine, and you would be very careful if placed in charge of one.’

Selina snorted. ‘Who’d be dumb enough to ask Kent to look after a kid anyway?’

‘An excellent point,’ Kent said.

‘Infantilising men by encouraging the pretence that they cannot care for children is as insulting as it is inaccurate,’ Minna said.

Kent frowned at her. ‘I didn’t say that. I am only speaking for myself.’

Wendy’s sudden grin was terrifying to behold. ‘Oh, I have a great idea! Sue was just saying that husband can’t get to her Lamaze classes. Why don’t you go with her, Kent? You can learn all about childbirth and looking after babies. More knowledge, less fear.’

‘No,’ Kent said.

‘No,’ Minna said.

Sue said nothing.

Kent cursed silently.

‘I would pay good money to see that,’ Selina said.

Minna was already regretting it, he could see it in her expression.

‘Perhaps…’ she said.

‘Maybe…’ Kent said.

‘I could....’

‘Minna could...’

Wendy waved her hand. ‘That doesn’t solve Kent’s problem and aren’t you away all the time, Minna?’

‘I don’t have a problem,’ Kent protested.

Nobody listened.

‘That is true,’ Minna said.

Sue put down her glass of water. ‘Excuse me,’ she said coldly.

Kent caught up with Sue as she headed to her car.

‘Sue –’

‘I do not need your charity,’ she growled.

Kent took a step back. ‘Don’t flatter yourself that it was offered.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Meaning, that had nothing to do with you,’ Kent said. ‘In the same way that some married people cannot imagine anyone being voluntarily single, there are some parents who preach the joy of children like a religion.’ Kent shrugged. ‘A childless man who dislikes children provokes a distinct reaction is those sorts of persons. I’m an aberration to be cleansed from the earth.’

Sue smiled unwillingly. ‘You are being ridiculous.’

‘It’s the mildest exaggeration I promise.’ He shook his head. ‘Ben warned me that there would be attempts to “cure” me. I fear you were simply the geographically nearest “solution” to the supposed problem.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘That is quite insulting.’

‘Shocking, I know.’

‘Her own children are upstairs, why not foist them on you?’

Kent gave a cynical half-smile. ‘After hearing me say I was worried about causing injury would you trust me with your own offspring?’

‘Yes,’ Sue said.

‘Oh,’ Kent said quietly.

He looked away at the sound of heels on the path, grateful for the distraction.

‘Here you are,’ Minna said. She wasn’t smiling.

‘I was explaining to Sue that I was the butt of the humour.’ Kent said. ‘Not her.’

‘There was humorous intent? I thought it quite serious,’ Minna said.

‘Doubtless they will laugh at the concept,’ Sue said. ‘Some people will laugh at anything.’

‘I see,’ Minna said.

Kent looked at his watch. ‘Time is pressing and I have an early start.’

Minna adjusted her shawl. ‘I do not think they were entirely incorrect,’ she said.

‘What?’ Kent asked.

‘Sean is... away a great deal,’ Minna said. ‘Children rarely chose to be born when it is expected or convenient.’ She touched Sue’s forearm. ‘Do you have people to be with you if Sean is away?’

Sue clenched her teeth. ‘I will manage.’

Minna nodded. ‘We will be there if you wish. Going to the classes with you. Childbirth remains a painful and frightening business. If you can have a friend to hand it is less frightening.’

Kent thought Sue would wrench her arm free, perhaps tell Minna to mind her business.

Instead Sue nodded. ‘Thank you. I will let you both have the class details.’

***

Kent looked at of the window of the Uber.

‘Sulking is not attractive,’ Minna said.

‘I am not sulking,’ he said. ‘I am… irritated. You had no right to volunteer me in that manner.’ He glanced at her. ‘Frankly your patronising and demeaning comments about sulking being “unattractive” do nothing to ameliorate the offense.’

‘Sue is your friend,’ Minna said. ‘She is too proud to ask for help.’

‘She’s not my friend nor would she claim to be so,’ Kent retorted. He glanced at the driver and lowered his voice. ‘That’s not the point. You shouldn’t have volunteered me to do... that.’

Minna threw her hands up. ‘Why do you insist this person or that person is not your friend? Ben is not your friend, Sue is not your friend. You care for a person, you spend time with them, you help them when they need it: that is a friend.’

Kent glared at her. ‘I would not be helping her if you hadn’t offered.’

‘You would,’ Minna said. ‘It would be the crib again. She insists she needs no help. You feel sympathy for her. You offer to help.’ She fixed him with a look. ‘You know this to be true.’

Kent was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m sure that Sue has no desire for either of us to attend her classes or be there when she gives birth.’

‘There is little connection between what we want and what we need.’

Kent snorted. ‘I don’t want to do this.’

‘Are you afraid you will fall in love with her?’ Minna asked.

Kent blinked at her. ‘What? No. I was... very fond of Sue. I was quite pained when things ended. However, that was some time ago and my feelings are no longer the same.’

‘Very well,’ Minna said.

‘I didn’t want fix the crib,’ Kent said.

‘I know.’

‘I don’t want to do the Lamaze classes.’

‘I know.’ Minna squeezed his hand. ‘Would you like to take me sailing at the weekend?'

Kent growled. ‘I’m still annoyed with you.’

Minna checked her watch. ‘We could have copious and energetic sexual intercourse at your apartment,’ she said. ‘I have a late start tomorrow.’

Kent drummed his fingers on the seat. 'Copious _and_ energetic?’

‘Yes.’ She thought about it. ‘We can even use the cream in your refrigerator.’

‘Hmm. That does sound... acceptable,’ he allowed.

***

Kent was considered by some, particularly Ben Cafferty, and Roger Furlong, to be somewhat prissy and prudish. This was largely because he generally kept his swearing at a minimum and thought it inappropriate to use ribald language in an office setting. Some of his former colleagues would have assumed he was squeamish. Others would have assumed he was too cold to be queasy in the face of human biology. In fact, neither was true. Kent had a scientific curiosity about certain natural functions but largely as they related to the owner of the function. He had an encyclopaedic knowledge of his sister’s medical procedures but knew almost nothing about her husband’s ruptured disc. He liked his sister. He did not like her husband. He liked some of the women at the prenatal class, and was interested in their travails, and didn’t like others, resisting knowledge of their issues.

Sue and Minna had attempted to tease him by giving graphic descriptions of stretch marks, haemorrhoids, and surgical procedures.

‘I’ve seen a birth,’ he said.

‘Do you mean a cat?’ Sue asked.

‘I do not,’ Kent said. ‘Although I have seen a cat give birth. I have also seen a woman. I was volunteering at the hospital.’

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘What hellhole has male volunteers delivering babies?’

Kent brushed off the mat he was sat on. ‘None. There had been poor weather and many of the staff had not arrived. I merely fetched and carried for the medical staff while the child was being... dealt with.’

See sighed. ‘I am going to regret asking what that means.’

‘You haven’t,’ Kent said.

She looked at him. ‘I am mentally preparing myself.’

Minna nudged his knee. ‘No stories of dead babies or parents here.’

Kent frowned at them both. ‘I am capable of judging appropriate topics,’ he said. ‘I suppose that your discussions of bodily distinctions are of course perfectly pleasant and agreeable.’

‘That’s different,’ Sue said.

He folded his arms. ‘Because it’s you, I suppose?’

‘Precisely.’

‘There was a cord,’ Kent said gesturing to his neck. ‘But they moved it. Everything was fine.’

‘I’ve never seen someone give birth,’ Sue said.

‘Selina Meyer did it,’ Kent said, ‘and she can’t put her shoes on by herself.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘She doesn’t wish to do anything by herself if she can avoid it. Her replacement has all the energy and none of the intelligence.’

‘Selina wishes well,’ Minna said. ‘She tried to help poor mothers.’

Kent and Sue exchanged a look. He didn’t have the energy or desire to disabuse Minna of her view of Selina.

‘Laura isn’t proving to be your ideal boss?’ he asked Sue instead.

‘Narcissistic self-absorption is easier to work with than stupidity,’ Sue said. ‘The wilful stupidity that despises intelligence.’

Kent grunted. ‘I won’t ask her for work then.’

‘You would despair of her,’ Sue said to him very seriously.

‘This is good information to have,’ Minna said. ‘I have been asked by the Chinese to assist in further negotiations regarding the south sea islands.’

Kent held up his hand. ‘We should change the subject before you or Sue or both have a conflict of interest.’

They listened to the instructor until the next practice period. ‘I am going to Australia next month,’ Minna said. ‘Would you care to come with me?’

‘It’s tempting.’ Kent said. ‘How long is it for?

‘A week only, ‘Minna said. ‘The summit is one day, so we could also sightsee.’

‘After a twenty-hour flight I wouldn’t wish to do anything but sleep,’ Sue said.

‘I fly all the time,’ Minna said. ‘You also, Kent.’

He shrugged. ‘Less than I did, but yes. It’s long but acceptable. I’ll have to see if I can rearrange my work commitments, and consider a cattery for Curiosity.’

‘Don’t,’ Sue said. ‘I’ll look after Curiosity.’

Kent blinked. ‘You will?’

‘Yes,’ Sue said firmly.

‘Oh.’ Kent licked his lips. ‘Forgive me, but you’re pregnant.’

‘Thank you for noticing,’ she said dryly. ‘However, it is not a disability.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Curiosity is an indoor car. Her litter needs to be changed. There is a parasite in cat faeces which if contracted during pregnancy can cause significant issues.’

‘I am aware of that,’ Sue said. ‘I will use thick rubber gloves, change the litter daily, and wash the trays thoroughly each day.’

‘You’ve done your research,’ Kent muttered.

Sue gave him a look. ‘You’re surprised?’

‘I shouldn’t be.’

***

‘Why the surprise?’ Sasha asked.

‘Sue does not volunteer for things,’ Kent said. ‘Certainly, not to put herself to difficulty to such a degree. She’s going to stay at my apartment as it’s easier.’

Sasha tapped her pen against her notepad. ‘Sue has a very solid sense of her own value. She has a very definite pride, yes?’

Kent snorted. ‘At times a quite inflated sense of her own worth. Pride and dignity, certainly.’

‘You’ve done a lot for her recently; the furniture, the classes, trying to include her socially. It could be that she feels that she owes you. This is a good opportunity for her to pay you back.’

Kent sat back in his chair. ‘I’m not sure Sue ever believes herself in anyone’s debt.’

‘That would be... unusual,’ Sasha said carefully. ‘She may not admit it openly but still feel it. Of course, the less mercenary alternate is simply that she’s your friend and she wants to help you out.’

‘She’s not...’ Kent stopped. ‘Minna and I had an argument about... it doesn’t matter, but she asked me why I said Sue and Ben weren’t my friends.’

It’s a fair question.’

‘I don’t like either of them very much,’ Kent protested.

Sasha smiled. ‘If you expect to like all your friends then I fear you’re doomed. Friends can be infuriating, irritating, and even toxic. Friendship is more about obligations, responsibilities, and trust. It’s about what you’re willing to do for them, what if they’re willing to do for you, in the name of friendship.’

Kent played with his jacket buttons. ‘They wouldn’t call me a friend either.’

‘If I refuse to call you a man that doesn’t mean you’re going to transform into a woman.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘If it were that simple imagine how many people you could make happier.’

It took her a moment to parse his moving. ‘Is that something you’re interested in, transgender rights?’

He shrugged. ‘Not in a particular way. People should be allowed to live their lives. There’s been a lot of nonsense in the press and the media, a lot of cruel jokes, a lot of unfair accusation, but it seems that progress is finally being made.’ He shrugged. ‘Why?’

‘I’ve noticed that, irrespective of your issues with relationships, you seem very secure in your masculinity and sexuality,’ she said. ‘I was curious if that was correct or if I was misreading you.’

Kent tapped his thumbs together. ‘If I had a negative reaction that would imply insecurity?’

‘It would be quite suggestive.’

‘A lack of strong reaction doesn’t really prove anything.’

Sasha laughed. ‘Do you want me to think you’re insecure?’

‘I want you to use a more stringent scientific method,’ he grumbled.

‘We’ve wandered from the point,’ Sasha said. ‘Why do _you_ think Sue offered to look after your cat?’

He shook his head. ‘Perhaps she merely likes cats.’

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

He would have preferred a direct flight to Brisbane, but that wasn’t practical. Kent gave Minna a tired smile as they shuffled through customs and towards their onward flight.

‘There is much about the White House that I am happy to leave behind,’ he said, ‘but I truly miss Airforce One.’

‘It has no beds,' Minna said. ‘Only one for the president.’

‘True,’ Kent accepted. He had enjoyed sleeping in a bed for the first leg of the journey to Australia. ‘But there is room. You can walk around, use the gym, and watch television.’

‘There is a gym?’ Minna shook her head. ‘In Finland, the prime minister flies on a normal plane with other passengers.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t think many of our presidents would wish to do that.’ His cell, which had been hunting for a connection, chimed. Kent frowned, and stopped moving.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I have a dozen unread texts,’ Kent muttered.

Minna took out her own cell and checked. ‘I have nothing.’

‘It’s Curiosity.’

‘Your cat is texting you?’

He looked at her blankly. ‘She’s sick. Sue said says she passed blood in her stool. Sue has taken her to the vet. She wants to know.... my budget. How much I’m willing to spend.’

Minna folded her arms.

‘I need to fly back,’ Kent said.

‘Sue is very capable,’ Minna said. ‘She can deal with this.’

‘I can’t,’ Kent said. ‘I can’t vacation while my cat might be...’

‘Do you want me to come back?’

‘Yes,’ Kent said. ‘But of course you can’t. This is your career and I know that has to come first.’

‘I wouldn’t know how to help,’ Minna said.

‘It’s fine.’

‘I don’t know much about cats.’

‘I know,’ Kent said. ‘Minna, please don’t worry. I’ll go sort out a return flight. You better go or you’ll miss your connection.’

She kissed him and squeezed his hand. ‘Call and tell me how she is.’

‘Okay.’

‘I am serious! You must tell me,’ she insisted.

Kent managed a smile. ‘I will.’

‘I will be awaiting your call.’

Kent was sure that Sue wouldn’t be awake yet, so he went to cancel his flight and book the fastest return he could find. His luggage would have gone on without him but that was a minor detail. He had other issues.

***

He was queuing for boarding when Sue answered the phone.

‘Kent?’ She sounded groggy. He’d never heard her sound like that before.

‘Sue, I will be there by lunch time.’

‘What?’

‘I’m flying back. I’ll be home by lunch time.’

He heard her take a breath. ‘Kent, there is nothing you can do,’ she said. ‘Curiosity is undergoing surgery to remove a blockage. I can deal with this.’

‘It’s no reflection on you. I have to be there.’

Sue’s voice softened. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’

‘It’s what I need,’ he said.

‘And I need you to calm down,’ she said. ‘You won’t be here for hours. They may not have news when you do arrive. Being hysterical aids nothing.’

Kent took a slow breath and released it. ‘You’re right.’

‘Naturally I’m right,’ she said sharply. ‘I’ll make something for you both to eat when you get back.’

‘Minna’s not coming,’ he said.

Sue’s pause was damning. ‘I see,’ she said.

‘I have to go,’ Kent said. ‘I’m about to board.’

‘I’ll return to bed then.’

‘Thank you, Sue,’ Kent said meekly.

‘Try not to worry,’ she said gently.

***

Sue had made sandwiches, a mug of coffee, and run him a bath. Kent saw the loved-almost-to-destruction cat tree and swallowed.

‘Where’s your luggage?’ Sue asked.

‘On it’s way to Brisbane.’

She smoothed down her skirt. ‘Curiosity remains in surgery, so eat something, drink something, bathe, and make yourself presentable. Then I’ll drive you to the animal hospital.’

Exhaustion crushed down his shoulders and slammed into his spine. He couldn’t do anything but nod, and mutter thanks, and hope she understood.

In the bathroom, he stripped off, climbed into the bath, and closed his eyes. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. He was very responsible. He was careful. It wasn’t supposed to happen.

Sue tapped on the door.

‘I’m in the bath.’

‘It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,’ she said.

‘That’s not point.’

‘I’m bringing in your lunch,’ she announced.

Kent managed to cover himself with a cloth. ‘This is ridiculous,’ he complained.

‘You don’t look after yourself in stressful situations.’ She looked him over. ‘You’ve put on a little weight. Good.’

‘You can talk.’

‘Shut up and eat your food.’

  * * *

‘Thank you,’ he said, as she parked the car.

I couldn’t do this otherwise, he didn’t say.

‘You owe me,’ she said.

We both know you don’t mean that,’ he didn’t say.

He hated this place. Fibonacci had spent two miserable weeks here as the diagnosis was finally established and prognosis slid from ‘don’t worry, we’ll get him well in a day or two’ all the way down to ‘there’s nothing to be done.’

He hated the iodine stink. He hated the chattering nurses. He hated the anodyne rooms and the professionally cold-blooded vets.

Sue put her hand over his and squeezed gently.

He laid this head on her shoulder.

After a few minutes, a young female vet came to fetch them. As they followed her through the maze of corridors she talked.

‘It’s very fortunate that you brought her in so quickly,’ she said.

Kent glanced at Sue. She was listening closely but didn’t respond to the comment.

‘And...?’

‘Okay, we found the blockage and removed it. It was touch and go for a while but we got there. If you’d left her another twenty-four hours, the outcome would’ve been less rosy.’

Kent stopped suddenly. ‘Another twenty-four hours?’ he asked. ‘You think I ignored it? Shouldn’t I have known? Is this my fault?’

Sue’s hand was on his arm. ‘He was flying to Australia,’ she told the vet. ‘When he heard, he flew right back.’

‘For a cat?’ The vet hadn’t meant to speak aloud, it was clear from her face.

Kent’s lips curled back in a snarl.

Sue’s grip tightened on his arm. ‘For _his_ cat,’ she said in a low, firm voice. ‘Please take us to see her.’

The vet nodded. ‘Absolutely.’

‘Perhaps you should consider if this is the career you should be pursuing,’ Kent said with vicious politeness.

She reddened but didn’t say anything. They followed her into a small examination room. Kent stared at the slightly damp rubber-topped table. It hadn’t been this room the last time he was here, he was sure, but one that looked a lot like it.

‘I’ll bring her through,’ the vet said. ‘She’s eating and she’s alert so we’re happy for her to go. She’ll have to come back for a check-up.’

Kent gripped the table. ‘She’s... okay?’

‘Yes, but she’ll probably feel a little off-colour for a few days.’

‘They didn’t tell me that on the phone,’ Sue said, as the vet left.

Kent nodded.

‘If I had known it was going to be resolved so quickly I wouldn’t have told you.’

Kent squeezed her hand. ‘You did the right thing.’

She bit her bottom lip. ‘I thought it was very serious.’

‘It was.’ Kent cautiously put an arm around her. ‘You heard what she said. Another twenty-four hours and she might not have made it.’

Sue held him tightly for a moment, and then stepped back.

‘The communication here is appalling,’ Kent said.

‘You’ve been before?’

‘With Fibonacci.’

The vet brought in the carrier. ‘Here she is. Interesting name.’

‘For the Mars rover,’ Kent said.

‘I’m sorry,’ the vet said. ‘About before. I’ve been up since four and had to euthanize several animals. It wears you down. It’s not why I became a vet.’

Kent nodded. ‘We’re all very tired and stressed.’ He offered her his hand.

‘The nurse will discuss checking the wound and so on,’ the vet said.

Kent licked his lips. ‘What was it? If it’s something I did or didn’t do I need to know, so I can avoid it.’

The vet shook her head. ‘It was probably congenital. I know that’s not satisfying, but not everything can be controlled or fixed.’

Sue made an odd noise, but ignored Kent’s questioning look.

* * *

‘What are you going to do now?’ Sue asked, parking outside Kent’s apartment.

‘Take-out and drink beer,’ he said. ‘Would you care to join me? It’s the least I can do.’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I would. But I meant are you going back to Australia.’

‘No, and I’m sure Minna wouldn’t expect me to.’ He got out of the car and picked up the carrier. ‘The cost would be ludicrous and I would be exhausted. That doesn’t even touch the dubious concept of asking you to watch Curiosity when she’s just had surgery.’

They went up to Kent’s apartment with Curiosity meowing all the way.

‘Question,’ Sue said.

‘Answer,’ Kent said.

‘You are clearly far too tired.’

‘What’s your question?’ he asked.

‘Why aren’t you afraid of cats?’

Kent looked at the carrier and then at Sue. ‘Why should I be afraid of cats?’

‘The same reason you’re afraid of babies.’

‘That’s... different.’

‘Cats are physically fragile relative to adult humans,’ Sue said.

‘However, dropping a cat will only result in it giving you an affronted look whereas an infant might fracture its skull,’ Kent said. ‘Cats and babies are not comparable.’

‘You flew back because she was ill,’ Sue said. ‘ln some respects they are very comparable.’

Kent felt himself growing red. He turned to open his door. ‘Would you like pizza or would you prefer something else?’

‘Pizza would be perfectly acceptable,’ Sue said.

Kent opened the carrier inside the spare room, and left Curiosity to reacquaint herself with the apartment.

‘Would you like a coffee?’ Kent offered.

‘Sit down,’ Sue said. ‘I’ll make it.’

He sank down gratefully onto the couch and closed his eyes. He’d have to call Minna soon and let her know what was happening. She didn’t deserve this. She hadn’t signed up for sick animals and a lover who flew off with a scarcely a moment’s notice. Minna wanted some fun, that was all, and he hardly blamed her for that.

Someone touched his hand. Kent blinked open his eyes. Sue handed him his coffee and sat down.

‘Do you know what you’re having?’ he asked.

‘A boy,’ she said. ‘I’m calling him James, after my grandfather.’

‘That’s a good name,’ Kent said. He wondered if she realised the she had said “I” and not “we.” It had already been months. How long was she planning on keeping the pretence going?

‘I like classical names,’ she said.’ Not new-fangled nonsense.’

He grunted in assent. ‘Like Apple or Madison.’

‘Or Kent,’ she said archly.

‘Shakespeare isn’t classical enough for you?’ he retorted.

‘Kent is not a name in Shakespeare.’

‘King Lear, to be precise,’ Kent said.

Sue pursed her lips. ‘You know I’ll check,’ she said.

Kent gestured to the bookshelf. ‘Feel free to look for yourself.’

‘I will,’ she threatened.

‘That’s the collected works at the end, the red cover.’

Sue put down her cup and walked to the bookcase. She picked up the book and flicked through. She looked at Kent as she found the play. ‘Why do you have this?’

‘I enjoy classical literature.’

‘Hmm.’ She returned her attention to the book. ‘I see,’ she said.

‘Found it?’ Kent asked.

‘Yes.’ She crossed back to the bookcase and put it away. ‘Don’t say it,’ she threatened.

Kent smiled. ‘The phrase “I told you so” isn’t in my vocabulary.’

Sue glared at him but there was a playful edge.

‘I’ll order the food,’ Kent said meekly.

‘You should.’

***

 

It was quite late by the time Kent had spoken to Minna and he and Sue had finished eating. He insisted that Sue take the bed rather than begin packing and leave. Kent made himself comfortable on the couch. It wasn’t ideal but he was happy enough. As he was dropping asleep, he felt Curiosity climb up and settle behind his knees.

He’d had a surprisingly pleasant evening with Sue. When they had dated, there had been a lot of sex, good sex, and they’d been to see some plays and to a concert. But they hadn’t really talked much. Tonight, they’d talked about vacations, which led to talking about childhood vacations, which led to childhood memories. Sue’s childhood sounded... she had said nothing definitive but there were details; her mother’s illness, medications, having to make her own lunches and wash her own clothes when she was very young, that made Kent wince. It was all very straight forward and matter of fact. That was worse somehow. He had wanted to tell her she was brave or hug her, but he knew she would have been shocked at the suggestion. She never mentioned Sean, and Kent didn’t ask.

She woke him going to the bathroom at three, and then again fifty-three minutes later and an hour and seven minutes after that. And people said prostates kept you up.

In the morning, he made pancakes. Sue came padding out of the bedroom in a pair of blue silk pyjamas and bare feet.

‘You have a broken nail,’ he said, looking at her feet. ‘It looks sharp.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘They can’t fit me in until Thursday, and I can’t bend down to do it.’

‘I’ll do it,’ Kent said. ‘After breakfast.’

Sue raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you have a thing about feet?’

‘No.’

‘I have no objection if you do, but I would want to make an informed choice,’ she said.

‘I was merely attempting to aid,’ Kent protested.

He thought she seemed somewhat... disappointed.

‘Oh. Thank you,’ she said. ‘You can tell me if you do.’

‘If I spontaneously develop a strange fixation with feet, you will be the first to know.’

Sue watched him making the pancakes. ‘Most of those things are weird but harmless.’

‘Fetishes?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘A more compassionate approach to them would make the world a kinder place.’

Kent gave her a sideways look. ‘Do you have one of _those things_ , Sue?’

‘Why would I tell you?’

‘Perhaps because I’m here and you wish to discuss it.’

She accepted the plate of pancakes that he made her, and moved to the kitchen table. ‘I didn’t say I wished to discuss it.’

Kent brought his own breakfast over and sat opposite her. ‘Okay.’

She looked at him. He started eating his pancakes.

Sue frowned. ‘You’re not funny.’

‘I’m not laughing.’ Kent licked his lips. ‘You can tell me if you wish,’ he said. ‘I won’t tell anyone.’

‘You tell me something first.’

Kent shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Why?’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t wish to risk your disapproval.’

‘You might disapprove of mine,’ she said.

He shook his head. ‘You’re the one who disapproves of things. I tilt more towards mild surprise.’

‘You are a terrible friend,’ Sue complained.

It wasn’t meant to be taken as a serious critique or insult, he knew that, but he felt the cold slice clean through him.

‘Am I?’ he asked.

Sue’s eyes widened at his expression. ‘I was being facetious,’ she said.

‘More truth is spoken in jest,’ he said.

Sue folded her hands on the table. ‘That is a false equivalency,’ she said. ‘More truth spoken in jest does not mean everything spoken in jest is true. It was a poorly judged attempt at humour.’

Kent sighed. ‘I don’t have many friends and those I have are relatively recent.’ He tapped his fingers on the table. Friends are a... complex issue.’

Sue clasped her hands together. ‘You are not a terrible friend,’ she said. ‘You are socially awkward and uncomfortable. Being your friend requires more work than with some other people.’

‘I see,’ he said quietly.

‘That doesn’t mean it has less value,’ she said firmly. ‘Easy friendships come and go easily. What is hard won, is most earnestly protected.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘I would like us to be friends,’ he said.

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘We are friends. Don’t be ridiculous.’

***

‘How is Curiosity now?’ Sasha asked.

‘Still a little unhappy with the stiches,’ Kent said. ‘However, she is expected to recover completely.’

Sasha relaxed. ‘I’m glad to hear that. I know she provides you with company and comfort.’

‘Do you think it was ridiculous to come back?’ Kent asked.

‘Do you?’

‘No.’

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘Would you have been able to enjoy your vacation knowing what had happened?’

Kent shook his head. ‘Especially after Fibonacci...’

‘That wasn’t your fault.’

‘Then whose fault was it?’

‘Kent, we’ve discussed this before. Fibonacci had pancreatic cancer. Nothing you did caused it and nothing you did could fix it. Guilt gives you the illusion of control. Blaming yourself allows you the fantasy that you’ll do better in future. That you can prevent it happening again.’

Kent tapped the arm of his chair. ‘I should be able to.’

‘You know you’re being irrational,’ Sasha said gently. ‘Taking the blame to regain control is something you do romantically as well.’

‘No, I don’t!’

‘Have I touched a nerve?’

‘No,’ he said more quietly. ‘I suppose you mean Sue.’

‘Sue, Rebecca, Jessica, Afra.’

Kent clenched his jaw. ‘I never claimed to be socially adept.’

‘The women you date aren’t either.’ Sasha held up her hand when he began to protest. ‘Taking responsibility for your weaknesses is important but it has to be done realistically. You’re scrupulously loyal and you’re never violent when disloyalty and violence are probably the only two behaviours where someone can claim to be entirely responsible for a breakup.’

‘What do you mean the women I date aren’t socially adept?’

Sasha gave him a look. ‘You’re attracted to women who are typically brusque, rude, and emotionally closed off. Or to be more precise, women you perceive to be that way. When Sue opened up to you a little you backed off. The same with Rebecca. You always emphasise that Minna is a fun and casual relationship. No emotional ties. Isn’t that why you were so annoyed when she volunteered you to go to Sue’s birthing classes? Because she forced you to acknowledge that Sue needs your help.’

 


	7. Chapter 7

Minna squealed at the coldness of the sunscreen. She was lay on the deck of Kent’s boat, face covered with a sunhat. Kent pinched her butt and went back to rubbing the lotion into her back.

‘I’m curious how you managed this in Australia,’ he said.

‘I didn’t sunbathe in Australia. It is full of spiders the size of small children and other deadly things.’

‘Ah.’

She looked at him over shoulder. ‘You would not have liked it.’

‘I don’t have any particular fear of spiders,’ he said.

‘They shoot cats.’

Kent stiffened. ‘They’re considered an invasive alien species.’

Minna frowned. ‘Cats were brought to Australia by people. They did not swim there on some strange whim.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘I wasn’t defending it.’

‘I know.’ Minna patted his knee and sighed.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘My son and his partner, they are expecting a baby.’

‘Isn’t that good news?’ Kent asked gently.

‘They are in Helsinki,’ Minna said.

‘Ah.’ Kent could see it in her face. He took a deep breath. Well, he was a grown man and she had never made him any promises.

‘When are you moving back?’ he asked.

‘A month, I thought. There is a job in the Finnish culture office I can take.’ She sat up and kissed him. ‘Thank you for understanding.’

He managed a small smile. ‘I’ve had fun. A nice time.’

‘I also.’ She sighed. ‘If asked I would recommend you to my friends.’

Kent laughed a little at that. ‘I think that might be the nicest way my services have been dispensed with.’

***

Kent was familiar with the theory that the human brain prioritizes resources by guessing what it’s going to see. When driving down a familiar road it guesses that everything will be as it usually is. This is why so many accidents occur close the driver’s home: because the brain guessed the road would be clear and completely overlooked the other car that somehow seemed to teleport in from nowhere. It also applied to other people and, sometimes tragically, animals. The terrible haircut, weight gain, or strange growth can seem to suddenly appear as if out of nowhere. For Kent, this happened with Sue’s bump which, from his perspective, seemed to have quadrupled overnight. As he helped her to lie down on the mat, he was excruciatingly aware that she was rapidly approaching her due date.

‘Why isn’t Minna here?’ Sue asked. ‘Don’t tell me she’s busy. It’s been five weeks. Have I offended her?’

Shit. He shook his head. ‘She’s on her way.’

Sue narrowed her eyes at him. ‘I am waiting,’ she said.

It was a relief when Minna arrived. She had wanted to talk to Sue herself, but in the excitement and stress of establishing a new home near to her family, and starting her new job, things had slipped. Kent hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks. He’d missed her, more than he thought he would, and his chest hurt a little when she came into the room.

He went outside for five minutes, so that they could talk privately. Minna felt badly about promising Sue support and not following through. Kent agreed, but would have rather cut off his foot than say so.

When he came back, Minna was red in the face and Sue’s expression was stony. They were getting surreptitious glances from the other classmates.

A row then. Kent wasn’t too surprised. Sue had a politician’s skill at making everything in life All About Her, and Minna never admitted being in the wrong. She never had to him, anyway.

At the end of the session, Minna hugged Kent tightly and kissed his cheek. ‘Perhaps we will see each other again,’ she said.

‘I hope so,’ he said.

They both knew they were unlikely to see each other again, and, if they did, it would only be awkward. But it was polite to say it, and, in that moment, they believed it.

***

‘I want a coffee,’ Sue said, as he helped her to her feet.

‘I think I have some change.’

‘Real coffee,’ Sue said. ‘In a real cup. With a real piece of cake.’

Kent smiled. ‘I get the impression the cake is more important than the coffee.’

‘Cake is always more important than coffee.’ Sue rubbed her back. ‘You can have some.’

'You’re very gracious.’

‘Some of your own cake,’ Sue clarified. ‘Keep your hands off my cake.’

‘I’m resisting the urge to make an innuendo-filled remark,’ he said. ‘I thought you should know.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘Keep resisting.’

‘I will.’

* * *

‘Minna claimed you asked her not to tell anyone,’ Sue did.

Kent nodded. He had a mouthful of toast and thought a nod enough.

‘Why?’ Sue asked. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong.’

Kent swallowed his food. ‘The longer it takes Joyce to find out, the happier I’ll be.’

‘Joyce. Ben’s wife?’

‘She matchmakes,’ Kent said, with a shudder.

Sue’s expression of brooding annoyance shifted a fraction. ‘You don’t want anyone to know Minna is returning to Finland, even though she is a public figure and people will realise, because you fear a housewife will force you to go on a blind date.’

‘She’s a nurse,’ Kent pointed out. ‘And you sound like Sasha. She thinks I only agree with Joyce because it’s what I want to do.’

‘The more I hear about Sasha, the less I like her,’ Sue said tartly. ‘Is Joyce a bad matchmaker?’

‘Appalling.’

‘Someone needs to take you in hand,’ Sue said, attacking her cake. ‘You have excellent taste but are dreadful at making a good impression.’

Kent winced. ‘I can’t become another person. I’ve spent my adult life attempting to improve my social skills. This is where I am.’

Sue’s expression almost made him recoil. He could accept almost anything from her, anything but pity.

‘Kent…’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m sixty, Sue. My prime was half a lifetime ago. It’s time for me to accept that this is _it_. I lack the skills, personality, and temperament to form a long-lasting and mutually fulfilling relationship. I liked Minna, and I cared for her, but we had no deep connection. It hurts that she’s gone, a great deal, but realistically this is the best way it could have ended.’

Sue was shaking her head.’ I suppose it’s Sasha filling your head with this garbage?’

‘No, actually, she thinks it’s a... self-defence mechanism. That I would rather blame myself and feel I have agency.’ He flapped his hand. ‘She’s somewhat... annoyed, actually.’

Sue brushed off her skirt. ‘Well, good. You’re not some manner of socially maladapted monster, Kent. You just haven’t met the right woman.’

Kent groaned. ‘The right woman? What about being the right man? I have tried. Regardless of whether I speak or am silent I can see interest and enthusiasm slipping away. I can’t be a good partner, I don’t know how. I have tried, _so hard_ , Sue. I don’t have it in me. I’m tired. I’m tired of failing. I’m tired of hurting. No more.’

‘That is the biggest pile of bullshit I have ever heard.’ Sue’s voice was shaking. ‘Serial killers on death row find someone. Dictators and drug addicts and rapists find someone who loves them. The idea that you never will is ludicrous. You are depressed and miserable that Minna has run off to provide free childcare rather than live her own life. Fine. But do not wallow in self-pity and pretend its maturity.’

‘You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.’

‘I know that you are talking nonsense.’

Kent got up abruptly. ‘This is getting us nowhere. I’ll see you next week.’

‘Yes, run away. That will fix everything,’ Sue said.

‘You’re not exactly perfect girlfriend material either,’ he snapped.

She started crying. Sue Wilson, in the middle of a crowded coffee shop, started crying. Kent sat down quickly and gave her his handkerchief. He patted her shoulder and she was suddenly in his arms. He could smell her perfume. See the delicate curve of her throat. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt.

***

‘She said it was hormones,’ Kent said straightening his pant leg.

‘What do you think it was?’

Kent chewed his lower lip. ‘I don’t know. She’s not the kind of woman to cry normally but... But her child is nearly due, she’s alone, and she was having an argument. Tempers were running high and I implied she might struggle to find another partner.’

‘If she believes you think Sean is still with her still then she has no reason to make that inference.’

‘Her husband left her and ex-boyfriend said she wasn’t perfect girlfriend material,’ Kent said. ‘I think many people would draw an inference from that.’

‘How did you leave things with her?’

‘She drove home.’

Sasha smiled. ‘I mean, did you leave things with you both angry or did you make up?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Neither. She cried. I attempted to comfort her. I bought her another coffee. We talked about a problem she’s having at work. We both went home.’

Sasha crossed her legs. ‘Do you think she got angry because of her hormones?’

‘I’m too old to be lured into blaming anyone’s actions or emotions on her hormones.’

Sasha laughed. ‘I’m not about to accuse you of being a sexist, Kent. Let me cut to the chase: is it possibly that she got angry because she has romantic feelings for you?’

Kent stared at her. ‘No.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m positive. Sue was never… greatly enthusiastic,’ he said carefully. ‘She doesn’t like being single. She was between lovers and I was infatuated. I think she liked me well enough to begin with, but she never had any strong feelings for me.’

Sasha sat back in her chair. ‘Do you genuinely believe that?’

‘She had split up with Sean,’ he said. ‘A short while after we broke up she married him, so I’d say it was fairly clear I was merely a brief interlude with no lasting value.’

***

Ben patted his children on the head and pushed them gently away. ‘Come with me,’ he muttered to Kent.

They left the party and went into the garden.

‘Have you heard there’s chatter about an investigation into corruption in the Meyer Administration?’ Ben asked.

Kent waved his hand. ‘It’s something to do with banking regulations.’

‘What? We didn’t do anything screwy with those.’

‘Not on purpose, anyway.’ Kent shrugged. ‘Montez is flailing and hopes that creating a scandal to blame on Selina will be a smokescreen.’

‘Against what? She’s been in power for five minutes.'

‘And she cannot cope with the stress,’ Kent said. ‘She’s heavily medicated but bursts into screaming abuse almost randomly.’

Ben blinked. ‘Jesus, really?’

‘Sue says so.’

‘Tell Selina, she’ll be thrilled.’

Kent pulled a face. ‘No thank you.’

‘You ever think what would be happened if we’d have won?’

Kent shrugged. ‘More lurching from one disaster to the next.’

‘We had a lot of those,’ Ben said with a smile.

‘Did I tell you than she asked if she was going to be in your memoirs?’

‘Who, Selina Meyer?’

Kent nodded. ‘I get the impression she would be insulted if not.’

‘You haven’t asked me if you’re in there,’ Ben said.

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Naturally I’m in there. How else will you regurgitate a lot of tiresome jokes about my being a robot?’

‘I just made some notes yesterday about you telling me that Teddy was sexually harassing Jonah.’

‘I trust you're going to say that I was merely reporting it to my line supervisor and not spreading petty gossip.’

Ben snorted. ‘When do you ever spread gossip? I might like you better if you did.’ He looked at Kent over the rim of his glass. ‘You haven’t even said anything about Sue.’

‘No idea what you mean,’ Kent said briskly.

‘Bullshit. You and Minna see her all the time. You’ve been to her place. I bet you’ve never seen so much as a pair of Sean’s dirty socks and I bet you know why.’

Kent looked Ben in the eye. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘Okay, fine, you wanna play dumb,’ Ben said. ‘Just remember, I’ve seen you tell lies to presidents. You can’t fool me just by looking me in the eye.’

‘You were just seeking an excuse to say that so you could put it in your book,’ Kent said mildly.

Ben smiled. ‘It was a good line though, right?’

Kent shrugged. ‘A little melodramatic and I doubt the accuracy.’

‘You’re gonna claim you never lied to Hughes or Meyer?’

‘Not when they were president,’ Kent said. ‘The president is who you for, not who you lie to.’

‘Okay, that one is definitely going in the book.’

Kent turned as the patio doors were pushed open. Sue’s belly entered, followed a moment later by the rest of her.

‘Oh, hey there,’ Ben said. ‘Almost didn’t see you.’

Sue gave him a look. ‘Pretending not to notice is just as irritating as making an issue of noticing.’

‘I’ve got enough kids to know you don’t tell a pregnant woman that she’s getting big,’ Ben said. ‘I prefer not being bludgeoned around the head. It’s a weird quirk I have.’

‘Like wearing women’s panties,’ Kent murmured.

Ben turned bright red. ‘Who the... How the fuck...’

‘Joyce tells people when she’s drunk and you’re out of the room,’ Sue said.

‘People? What people?’ Ben demanded.

‘I’ve heard it at two separate dinner parties,’ Sue said.

‘Christ!’ Ben stomped away.

Sue turned and looked at Kent.

‘I thought he knew,’ he said meekly.

‘Evidently not.’

Kent sighed. ‘At our age, you think he would be more at ease with his own nature and desires. It’s hardly hurting anyone.’

‘It doesn’t appear to distress Joyce so much as amuse her,’ Sue said.

‘A sign of a good relationship appears the ability to be open and the ability to accept that openness,’ Kent said.

‘You are referring to fetishes?’

‘Kinks,’ he said.’ Quirks, fetishes, and fears.’ He waved his hand. ‘Private things.’

‘Not so private for Ben,’ Sue said. ‘Tell me something of Minna’s. She is the sort of woman who would tell you on a second date.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘Tell you a kink or a quirk of Minna’s?’

‘Yes.’

‘No,’ he said flatly.

Sue smiled.

‘Was that some sort of ridiculous test?’

She sipped her fruit juice. ‘It answered a query that I had.’

‘What if I had told you something?’

Sue thought about it. ‘I would have been surprised,’ she said. ‘Also, deeply disappointed.’

Kent felt a prickle of unease he couldn’t quite place. ‘I’m glad I didn’t disappoint you.’

‘You rarely do.’


	8. Chapter 8

‘Nylons?’ Joyce asked. ‘You must be so warm.’

Sue shifted in her seat. ‘They’re practical.’

Joyce looked blank for a moment before realisation dawned. ‘You can’t shave your legs!’

Ben gave Kent a despairing look.

‘I cannot,’ Sue said stiffly. ‘Normally I would wax but the salon is wary due to hormonal changes.’

‘I’ll shave you,’ Joyce said. ‘I shave people for surgery all the time.’

Sue gave Kent a panicked and pleading look.

‘Actually... Minna has offered to help Sue with that when she returns tomorrow,’ Kent said.

Joyce waved her hands. ‘We can do it tonight.’

‘I don’t wish to insult Minna,’ Sue said firmly.

‘Oh,’ Joyce said, obviously hurt. ‘Will she also do your bikini line?’

Sue took a deep breath. ‘I don’t believe this an appropriate topic for the dinner table.’

Kent cleared his throat. ‘How are the memoirs going, Ben?’

***

‘Let me drive you home,’ Kent offered.

‘How much have you had to drink?’ Sue asked.

‘One glass.’

She walked with him down the path.

‘The cost of Ubers can be prohibitive,’ Kent suggested.

‘I had not anticipated my pregnancy making driving so difficult.’

‘Not long now,’ Kent said, opening the car door for her.

‘No.’

Something about her tone drew him up short.

‘Do you have some anxiety?’ he asked.

Sue nodded. ‘Some.’

‘You’ll do fine.’

‘You don’t know that,’ Sue said.

‘I know you.’

She nodded.

It was out of his way to take her home. They both knew it but neither of them acknowledged it. Kent didn’t really think about it.

‘What are you going to do about your sasquatch issue?’ Kent asked.

‘My... Oh. I suppose you imagine yourself amusing,’ Sue said dryly.

‘I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think,’ Kent said. ‘Can you even see your legs unaided?’

‘Not really,’ she admitted. ‘I have fond memories of my feet.’

‘It’s true,’ Kent said.

‘What is?’ she asked suspiciously.

‘If men bore the children then the human race would already be extinct.’

Sue tried to smother a smile and failed.

Kent glanced across at her. ‘I’ll do it, if you like.’

‘Shave my legs?’

‘If you like,’ he said. ‘If it would help.’

He expected her to decline, hopefully politely. Instead she seemed to be thinking about it.

‘Do you know how to?’

‘I’m sixty,’ he said. ‘I have had some experience shaving.’

Sue shifted in her seat. ‘One, you have a beard. Two, legs and faces have entirely different contours.’

Kent scowled. ‘One, I haven’t always had a beard. Two, I…I suppose I would be extra careful.’

‘You would have to be. Pregnancy can make it more painful as well as increasing blood flow to the skin.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ he admitted. ‘Hence no waxing?’

‘It would be problematic.’ Sue looked away. ‘I am tired of feeling unkempt, fat, and disgusting. Shaving my legs would make me feel better.’

‘You’re none of those things,’ Kent protested.

She looked at him. ‘No?’

‘No. You’re beautiful.’ He glanced at her. ‘But I would be happy to help.’

Sue looked away. If he didn’t know better, he would think she was embarrassed.

‘When?’ she asked.

‘If it’s making you feel that unhappy then I would think the sooner the better.’ Kent checked his watch. ‘Now if you like.’

She nodded. ‘Now would be good.’

It was true that Kent had never assisted a woman in shaving her legs before, but he had mother, sisters, and former lovers. He had seen the procedure being performed.

Kent made and drank a cup of coffee while Sue showered. He half expected her to have changed her mind, but when she called him into the bathroom she was quite calm. She was sat on a stool in the shower cubicle, wrapped in a robe. She twitched the robe so that her legs were exposed up the thighs.

Kent lowered the toilet cover and sat down. He ran his fingers along her calf.

‘How bad is it?’ Sue asked.

‘Prickly,’ he said. He squeezed the shaving gel into his palm and warmed between his hands. Then he rubbed the gel over her right leg, beginning at her hip.

‘Is _your_ leg hair soft and silky?’ Sue asked tartly.

His hands smeared the gel over her skin. She was trembling slightly. He thought perhaps she was cold, or possibly embarrassed. Whatever the cause he was sure that she wouldn’t appreciate him passing comment on it.

‘I didn’t suggest it should be "silky" and I don’t have much on my legs.’ Kent slid the razor in a smooth, firm movement down from her hip to just above her knee.

Her skin was still slightly damp from the shower, and very warm. It occurred to him that she was the only woman he had touched since Minna had left.

‘You have hair on your chest,’ she said, ‘and on your arms.’

Kent didn’t reply immediately, he was concentrating. ‘I do. But not on my legs to much degree or, I’m told, on my back.’

‘I loathe a hairy back,’ Sue said seriously.’

Kent rinsed off the razor in the tub of warm water before continuing. ‘By the time you found that your partner was cursed with a hirsute back, surely you would be invested enough to overlook it.’

He heard her snort, as he was tackling the tricky terrain of her knee.

‘No amount of investment would be enough,’ she said. ‘Would you sleep with a woman with hairy legs if you liked her enough?’

Kent sat back. ‘You don’t do it for us,’ he said mildly. ‘You do it for yourselves.’

‘Would you?’ Sue pressed.

‘Certainly. I’d sleep with a woman who had a hairy back if I liked her enough.’

‘Ha!’

‘Try to say still,’ Kent said. ‘I’d rather not accidently cut your femoral artery.

‘Then don’t make me laugh,’ she said. ‘And answer the question.’

Kent applied more gel. Her calves were tightly muscled, even now. ‘I believe that I would. It seems a very minor issue and I have enough of my own issues for any woman would have to overlook.’

Sue moved slightly so that she could look at him. ‘I haven’t shaved in weeks. You wouldn’t sleep with me.’

‘You’re a married woman.’

‘If I wasn’t,’ Sue said.

He glanced up and met her eye. ‘Sue, if you hadn’t shaved your legs I couldn’t promise I would notice. If I did... honestly, I would live with it.’

‘Bull.’

‘Minna never did. She was only minded to shave her underarms when she was wearing a sleeveless dress.’

Sue was quiet for a moment. ‘That is disgusting.’

Kent chuckled. ‘That’s your point of view. I don’t happen to agree.’

‘It’s unhygienic.’

‘You don’t shave your head do you? Hair is not inherently unhygienic. Also, shaving and waxing can both damage the skin, allowing infections easier access.’ Kent squinted as he carefully circumnavigated her foot.

‘Is that why you have a beard?’ Sue asked tartly.

He rinsed off her right leg, patted it dry, and moved to her left. ‘I’m told it makes me look distinguished.’

‘The issue isn’t whether you are handsome but why you hide your face. Between your beard and your hair there is very little of your face visible,’ she said tartly.

Kent changed razors. ‘You got me,’ he said. ‘I’m Batman.’

‘My father had a beard,’ Sue said.

Kent looked up. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘They were very fashionable when I was young.’

‘Oh, when was that?’ he asked innocently.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Ben told me about that nonsense with Bob. Why didn’t you ask me?’

‘You would have told me to jump out a window.’

She nodded. ‘True’

Kent sat back to rinse off the razor. ‘Sasha is going to love hearing about this.’

‘Why would your therapist care about my beauty regime failure?’

He felt himself redden. ‘She says, and I think she’s right, that I tend to idolise women to whom I’m attracted. That I refuse to accept them as complex and flawed human beings but insist on them being untouchable icons.’

‘I am not flawed,’ Sue said severely.

Kent smiled. ‘I may have specifically told her that you are never vulnerable and are always self-reliant. Which is clearly unrealistic, everyone has moments when they need assistance.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘By your logic having not shaved my legs doesn’t make me unattractive but asking for help does.’

‘No, no, not at all,’ Kent said quickly. ‘Just that there was a time when it would have... disconcerted me. Now I’m a little better at accepting things. I’m hopefully better at seeing women I care for as humans rather than ideals.’

Sue was quiet for a few seconds. ‘Perhaps I like being an ideal.’

‘Then I might struggle to shave your legs.’

‘My mother would be appalled,’ Sue said. ‘In forty years of marriage, my father never saw her without her makeup. She had her pride.’

‘Did she ever see him not wearing his shirt and tie?’

‘Certainly.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Where was his pride? Why’s she the one who has to be perfect at all times?’

‘It’s different for women.’

Kent finished shaving. He rinsed off the gel and patted dry her leg. ‘I don’t see why it’s different unless you’re married to someone who thinks women have to be perfect. That seems to be a very unhealthy state of affairs.’

Sue looked away. ‘Stressful, certainly.’

Kent rearranged her robe to cover her. ‘I think that’s done. Is there anything else I can do?’

‘Such as?’

Kent shrugged. ‘Whatever you like.’

Sue’s gaze sharpened suspiciously but she relaxed after a moment. ‘Nothing now,’ she said. ‘It’s late.’

‘Okay.’ Kent stood up and offered her his hand to held her stand.

‘I’m going to get dressed now.’

Kent nodded and turned away politely.

‘Would you like some hot chocolate before you go?’ Sue asked.

‘That would be nice, thank you.’

‘You can look now,’ Sue said.

He turned around. She had changed into cotton pyjamas and thick socks.

‘I feel better,’ she said.

‘Good.’ He straightened up. ‘If you let me know when it needs to be done again we can arrange a time.’

Sue nodded. He thought she was about to say something else, but she seemed to reconsider, shook her head, and walked to the door.

***

‘... then she dropped her coat and had nothing on underneath but a pair of knee-high striped socks!’

Sue smiled and raised an eyebrow. ‘And did you allow her to make it worth your while?’

Kent wiped his beard with his handkerchief. ‘Naturally not.’

‘Why not?’

He snorted. ‘The reasons are innumerable.’

‘Meaning you don’t wish to admit you were scared,’ Sue said.

‘Scared of breaking legal, moral, and ethical rules, certainly. Scared of making a horrendous mistake, definitely,’ he said. ‘And for what? A few minutes fleeting pleasure with someone who probably despises me and would assuredly prefer to be somewhere, anywhere, else. If I were so desperate for female companionship I would hire someone. At least I could rely on their discretion.’

Sue ran her finger around the lip of her cup. ‘You must be lonely sometimes, especially now Minna has left.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘Swapping grades for sex with underachieving students would hardly alleviate loneliness,’ he said. ‘I can’t have a decent conversation with students. We wouldn’t have any shared interests or passions. The whole situation would likely make me feel more alone and isolated then I was before.’

‘No trophy wife then,’ Sue teased.

Kent groaned. ‘I hope you know me better that.’ He stood up and gathered his things. ‘I’ll see you on Thursday for class.’

‘Goodnight, Kent.’

She embraced him and kissed his cheek.

***

‘You haven’t discussed the Sean situation?’ Sasha asked.

‘She hasn’t mentioned him in... weeks,’ Kent said. ‘I haven’t asked. I think she probably knows that I know.’

Sasha tilted her head. ‘Why do you think she hasn’t addressed the situation?’

‘It’s probably easier not to. Some things are too unpleasant to discuss and therefore you don’t discuss them.’ He fiddled with his belt buckle. He didn’t care for the way she was looking at him.

‘You and Sue have grown quite close of late,’ she said.

‘She’s a good friend,’ Kent said.

‘What’re you going to do when she has the baby?’

Kent set his shoulders. ‘I said I’d be there if she needed me.’

‘As I recall, it was Minna who promised for both of you.’

‘Minna’s not here. I am,’ Kent said. ‘We’ve discussed Sue staying with me the week that she’s due. It would also better enable a speedy transport to hospital.’

‘This is very impressive,’ Sasha said warmly.

Kent looked away. ‘It’s nothing significant.’

‘You seem a little anxious.’

He looked back at her. ‘Sean abandoned her for whatever reason, but when James is born he might decide he wants to be a part of his son’s life.’

‘Are you concerned that Sue might take him back?’ Sasha asked.

‘People stay together for the sake of the children with surprising frequency,’ Kent said. ‘Despite studies showing that it doesn’t actually aid them.’

‘Your concern is that a friend might become trapped in a loveless marriage?’

‘Yes,’ Kent said.

‘It’s not that you’re falling in love with Sue again and are worried that she’ll choose Sean over you?’ Sasha asked gently.

‘I... I have no illusions,’ Kent said quietly. ‘We’re friends. As far as I can tell at the moment she’s far too busy with the pregnancy to consider dating. She might not think about it for months or years. When she does date, I know it won’t be me. I’m okay with that.’

‘You’re not even going to ask the question?’

‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘No. I refuse to be the man who pretends to be a woman’s friend so that he can get her into bed. I’m better than that. She deserves better than that. Sue left me. She made her choice. I have to respect that.’

***

Sue woke him a little after three in the morning.

‘It’s time to go to the hospital,’ she said. ‘My contractions are five minutes apart and my water has broken.’

He dragged himself out of bed. ‘You should’ve told me before,’ he muttered.

‘You need your sleep and you would have spent the time worrying.’

Kent scowled at her. ‘Just because something is true doesn’t mean you have to say it.’

Her go bag was by the door. That was unsurprising. The two flasks with a large container of sandwiches were.

‘Did you make refreshments?’ Kent asked.

‘Coffee and chicken sandwiches for me, herbal tea and goats’ cheese with red pepper sandwiches for you,’ Sue said.

Kent stared at her. ‘Have I told you recently that I love you?’

‘Don’t be an idiot,’ she muttered, turning away.

He could hear the tears thickening her voice. He put his arms around her. She leaned against him.

You’re a truly astonishing human being,’ he whispered. ‘It’s going to be okay,’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘I know you,’ Kent said.

***

The streets were quiet so early in the morning. Kent put on a CD Sue brought and kept the car right at the speed limit.

‘What do you call this?’ he asked her.

‘Thrash metal.’

‘I think my ears are bleeding,’ he said.

‘I think my body is attempting to expel something the size of a watermelon,’ Sue said tartly. ‘The music is a helpful distraction.’

‘I believe most people in this situation go with classical music.’

Sue rolled her eyes.’ Most people probably do not give birth accompanied by their ex-lover turned best friend. We adapt as we must.’

Kent glanced at her. ‘I’m your best friend?’

Sue looked out of the window. ‘Yes. Don’t make a thing of it. It’s not a thing.’

Kent smiled. ‘Understood,’ he said. ‘Not a thing.’

***

The first time it happened, was when they were helping Sue up onto the bed.

‘Daddy, can you take her elbow?’

It took him a second to register the word and realise it was aimed at him. Everything was moving quickly and it didn’t seem like it was worth correction. So he didn’t correct her. Neither did Sue.

‘I’m going to call and let them know you won’t be in work,’ Kent said.

‘I had warned them,’ Sue panted.

‘I’ll text Minna and Joyce. Anyone else?’ Kent asked.

‘I already called my mother,’ Sue said. ‘There’s nobody else.’

Kent squeezed her hand. ‘I’ll be right back.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she said dryly.

The second time it happened was after the doctor’s fleeting visit.

‘Daddy, could I speak to you for a minute,’ the midwife asked.

Kent glanced at Sue, but she had bigger issues on her mind.

‘We’re picking up some signs of foetal distress,’ said the midwife. ‘There no need to panic, but we are going to need to speed things up and possibly do so mechanically.’

‘Why are you telling me and not her?’ he asked.

The midwife shrugged. ‘I see a lot of pregnant women. You learn to spot the ones who might punch. You’re partner strikes me as a puncher, so you tell her. You got her in this mess, right?’ she said with a wink.

Sue growled and began moving onto all fours.

‘Oh, sweetheart, we need you on your back so the doctor can see,’ the midwife said.

Sue’s glare would have melted steel. ‘When he’s the one giving birth, then we can discuss the issue,’ she said. ‘Until then, I don’t give a fuck what he wants.’

‘Puncher,’ the midwife said to Kent.

‘I can see why the impulse might arise,’ Kent said.

The third time was after the fuss and noise, when everyone was holding their breath.

‘Daddy, would you like to come and cut the cord?’

Sue squeezed his hand. Kent looked at her. She nodded.

He kissed her forehead.

The fourth time, was when he returned to the room clutching fresh coffee and snacks.

‘Here’s Daddy, does he want to hold his little boy?’

Kent felt the blood drain from his face and pool in his stomach ‘I... I don’t know how to...’

Someone took away the coffees and the snacks. In desperation, Kent turned to the ultimate authority.

‘Sue, I’ll drop him or hurt him or...’

‘No, you won’t,’ she murmured. She was barely awake, but her voice was utterly certain.

The midwife put James in his arms.

‘One hand there,’ she said. ‘The other hand there. A little more firmly. He needs to feel secure.’

James was wrinkled. Screwed up face and clenched hands. Even asleep he looked furious. Then he awoke and started to cry.

‘Okay, I’ve held him,’ Kent said.

The midwife turned to Sue. ‘Just nerves. He’ll get there.’

‘Can you –’ Kent began, but she scooted out of the door. ‘Oh, shit.’

‘Bring him here,’ Sue said.

The distance between where he was stood and the head of her bed felt like the crossing of the red sea. Kent forced himself to shuffle over to her, sure that at any moment the baby was going to slip from his grasp.

When Sue took James from him, he sank into a chair.

She unbuttoned her top and helped James latch on. Kent watched in a sort of daze.

‘When did you know?’ Sue asked.

Kent looked at her blankly. ‘At the moment, I don’t think I know how to tie my shoes.’

Sue looked at him. ‘When did you know about Sean?’

‘Oh.’ Kent sighed. ‘After the UN ball. We took you home, I was very surprised that you’d drink when you were pregnant. Minna took you upstairs. I’m afraid she looked in your closets. No men’s clothes. Downstairs there were no photographs and nothing of his.’

Sue flinched. ‘Months then.’

‘Yes.’

‘You didn’t say anything to me.’

‘Minna wanted to tell you,’ Kent said. ‘I said no. That you would talk about it when you were ready. Was that wrong?’

‘No.’ She stroked James’s head. ‘I would like that coffee.’

Kent blinked and then realised what she meant. He fetched the coffees from the side table and brought them over.

‘Does anyone else know?’ Sue asked.

‘We didn’t tell anyone,’ Kent said, taking the top off her coffee. ‘But I believe Ben suspects and likely Joyce too.’ Kent held the cup to her mouth so she could drink. ‘Sean was never there for you. Anyone who knows you, knows that you would never accept that.’

He moved her cup away.

‘Sean said I was cold and selfish,’ Sue said. ‘He badgered me into getting pregnant and then when I did, he left me for his assistant.’ She gave Kent a look. ‘He said I was fat and disgusting.’

‘He’s... an imbecile,’ Kent said. ‘He doesn’t deserve you.’

‘I must agree,’ Sue said, but her voice was shaking slightly.

There was a rustle outside the door. Looking towards it. Kent saw familiar shapes milling outside.

‘I’ll go see who’s out there,’ Kent said. ‘Perhaps you have visitors.’

‘I look terrible.’

Kent looked her over. ‘You look beautiful.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘People say new mothers and babies look beautiful. They’re both lies.’

Kent moved towards the door. ‘I never said James was beautiful,’ he said.

‘Bastard,’ Sue said, scowling.


	9. Chapter 9

 

Mike and Gary were hanging outside the room. Gary had a bouquet of flowers and Mike was clutching a bag of diapers and onesies.

‘What are you doing in there?’ Gary asked Kent suspiciously. ‘Where’s Sean?’

‘He’s away,’ Kent said smoothly. ‘Do you want to come in?’

Amy was there, a few hours later, when Kent came back from the bathroom. Sue’s room had gradually filled with balloons, cards, and flowers. He hadn’t got her anything. Shit.

‘Do you wanna hold him,’ Mike offered Amy, holding James out.

‘I absolutely do not want to do that,’ Amy said.

‘Kent said the same thing,’ Sue said. ‘When the nurse gave him James anyway I was afraid Kent was going to throw him at me.’

‘Was that an option?’ Kent asked yawning.

‘No,’ Sue said firmly.

‘When did you last sleep?’ Amy asked. ‘You look like Selina on one of her “bad” days.’

‘Thank God Gary’s not here to hear that blasphemy,’ Mike laughed.

Sue pursed his lips. ‘Perhaps you should get some rest,’ she said grudgingly.

‘Yeah, I guess so.’ He skirted around Amy and Mike to kiss Sue on the check. ‘See you soon.’

‘You better,’ she said quietly.

Opening the door into the corridor, Kent nearly walked into Minna, knocking the box of chocolates she was carrying to the floor.

Kent helped her pick them up and they fought to get them back into the box.

‘Finally, a use for individual wrappers,’ he said.

‘Yes, that would have been wasteful,’ Minna said.

They looked at each other.

‘Hello,’ Kent said.

‘Hello,’ Minna said. ‘When was the last time you ate?

He had to think about it. ‘I had a sandwich around six this morning and some chips at about two.’

‘You need to eat. Where is the cafeteria?’

‘Aren’t you here to see Sue?’

‘There are already visitors. I do not wish to overwhelm her. I will return when your stomach is no longer screaming.’

***

Kent did not eat a great deal as a rule, but when he did eat he was usually particular. Today, however, hungry as he was, the sad and sagging meatloaf was the best thing he could imagine eating.

‘How is your family?’ Kent asked.

‘Good. I have a granddaughter,’ Minna said.

‘It’s difficult to imagine you as someone’s grandmother,’ Kent said.

Minna shrugged. ‘I am not quite used to it either.’ She picked at her sandwich. ‘Were you with Sue the entirety of her labour?’

‘Technically.’ Kent took a sip of water. ‘She’s been staying with me for a couple of days. She woke me up this morning when it was time to go.’

Minna grinned at him. ‘Did they make you hold the baby?’

‘They did.’ Kent shook his head. ‘It was a cruel and unusual punishment.’

‘For you as well as the baby,’ Minna said, deadpan.

Kent groaned. ‘I am too tired to deal with your witticisms.’

‘Sean has not returned to her?’

‘No. Oh, she knows that you know he left. I’m not sure when she realised but she asked me about it a little while after the birth.’ He pulled a face. ‘The medical staff all assume I’m the father. She appears not to want them corrected.’

‘A father who does not wish to hold his child.’

Kent snorted. ‘I’m a real catch.’

‘Yes,’ Minna said. ‘I wished that our relationship had proceeded differently but I see now it was for the best.’

Kent frowned. ‘We parted amiably. It’s considered poor form for you to boast to me about your fabulous new boyfriend, whoever he may be.’

Minna was watching him closely. ‘I am not dating anyone.’

‘Neither am I,’ Kent said. ‘Therefore, I’m a little confused.’

She shrugged. ‘I saw you through the door. You did not use to look at Sue the way you do now. You never looked at me that way.’

Kent pushed his plate away. ‘Sue is my friend,’ he said quietly.

‘I will not tell her that you are in love with her,’ Minna said. ‘You fear it will ruin your friendship.’

‘Telling someone that…it changes things,’ Kent said. ‘You both agree that it won’t but it does.’

‘I understand.’ Minna stood up. ‘You are wrong, but I understand.’

***

There were things that needed doing. Furniture to be assembled, shopping to be brought, dishes to be washed. 1001 things that Sue normally do without thinking. Things she was too exhausted, too busy, or too distracted to deal with. Kent began going to her house every few days to deliver groceries, fix things, or help out however Sue asked.

James was always freshly bathed, fed, with a clean diaper, and impeccably dressed. The same could not be said of Sue, who seemed to have taken up occupancy of a tracksuit.

One day Kent arrived and, getting no answer, let himself in. He could hear James crying again and again. Sue _never_ let him cry himself out. Kent dropped the bags of groceries and ran upstairs.

James was in his crib. He had been crying a while, his face was tinged with red and drying tears lay underneath the fresh. There was a bottle of expressed milk on the windowsill and fresh diapers on the changing table.

Kent looked out of the window. Sue was in the garden. She was sat on a chair with her hands over her ears.

‘I hope you realise you’ve brought this on yourself,’ Kent said to James. He checked the diaper: clean. He offered James milk: it was refused. Kent pinched the bridge of his nose.

‘I’m going to have to pick you up,’ he said. ‘Neither of us are happy about it, so let’s attempt to make the best of things. Okay?’

It didn’t help. James’s cries modulated down a little bit he didn’t stop. Kent held James against his shoulder as he ducked down to pick up the diaper bag. He kept patting James on the back as he headed out to the stairwell.

He met Sue on the stairs. She stared at him in blank confusion.

‘Uh,’ Kent said. ‘I thought… I thought I’d take James for a drive,’ he said.’ Allow you a chance for a nap.’

It was beyond presumptuous. He half-expected to be slapped. Or worse.

‘He won’t stop crying,’ Sue said. ‘The doctor said it’s colic. I just… I need a few quiet minutes. I can’t think.’

‘You don’t… you don’t need to explain,’ Kent said.

Sue’s shoulders dropped. ‘A nap would be agreeable. I’ll give you the car seat.’

‘Good.’

‘The crying... it grates on the nerves,’ Sue said. ‘You may find it difficult.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Yes, but I worked with Ben, and Selina Meyer. I’m used to screaming.’ He glanced at her clock. ‘I think Joyce should be home. Would you mind if I drove around to Ben’s?’

‘If there’s a chance I can get some sleep you may drive to the moon if you wish.’

* * *

The motion of the car seemed to help a little, although moving the car seat to his vehicle had been unnecessarily complex. Didn’t the parents of newborns have enough to deal with without equipment that would make Escher blanch?

The noise was truly a saw across the nerves. Kent put on some music and tried to concentrate on that. The crying seemed counter-intuitive, at least as an ongoing alarm. It was an evolutionary quirk that seemed to be a significant error.

‘Oh Christ,’ Ben said when he answered the door. ‘Colic?’

‘How did you know?’

‘His sound and your face. You look like you’re about to join in.’ Ben deftly plucked James from Kent’s grasp. ‘Come on slugger, let’s try a bath. Where’s Sue?’

‘Napping. Is a bath a good idea?’

‘Yeah, can help ‘em relax and either fart out trapped gas or chill out enough to stop crying.’ Ben rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve got grownup kids. I know exactly what I’m doing.’

‘Even James knows enough to find that terrifying.’

Joyce, it transpired, was visiting her mother and had taken Ben’s youngest kids with them.

‘She’s gonna be pissed she missed this,’ Ben said, filling the sink with warm water.

‘She gets a thrill out of bathing babies?’

‘She’d get a good laugh out of watching you try to,’ Ben grunted.

'There’s nothing amusing about this situation,’ Kent said. He undressed James carefully. As he took off the diaper, James urinated.

‘Jesus, right in my fucking eye!’ Ben groaned, grabbing a cloth.

‘I’d like to reassess my opinion,’ Kent said. ‘That was somewhat amusing.’

‘That was nothing. My eldest once puked on the dog. You ever try cleaning vomit out of a sheepdog?’

Kent’s eyes were a little glassy. ‘More of a cat person.’

Kent measured the water temperature with his elbow, and they carefully lowered James into the sink.

‘You hold him and I’ll wash,’ Ben said.

‘One day, at his wedding, Sue is going to cause great amusement by telling this story,’ Kent said.

Ben gently rubbed the sponge over James’s chest and belly.

‘You might be there to tell the story yourself,’ Ben said.

‘When he’s thirty I’ll be ninety,’ Kent said. ‘Although of course I mean to live forever.’

Ben shrugged as air bubbles appeared in the water. ‘Not what I meant.’

The crying descended to a gentle grizzle and then stopped.

‘Has he released gas?’ Kent asked.

Ben sighed. ‘I really wish that was gas.’

***

James fell asleep in Kent’s arms as Ben was making them something to eat.

‘Come on then, who wins the pool?’ Ben asked.

‘Pool?’

‘The betting pool.’ Ben shook his head. ‘On when you and Sue started sleeping together again.’

Kent stared at him. ‘We’re not.’

‘Gimmie a break, you were in the delivery room. You’re ferrying around her screaming baby so she can sleep,’ Ben sneered. ‘You’re not doing that because you’re such a great guy.’

Kent scowled. ‘Evidently I am. Sue and I are not sleeping together and I have no ulterior motive.’

Ben looked at him for several seconds. ‘Jesus,’ he said quietly. ‘You’ve got it bad haven’t you?’

Kent caught his first response and frowned. ‘Sue is my friend. She currently needs a little help. That’s all.’

Ben pulled at his earlobe. ‘I’m at a loose end today. I can do laundry or whatever.’

‘Laundry?’

‘With my oldest we never had and food or clean clothes. For us. He was fine.’

Kent nodded. ‘A practical suggestion.’ He rubbed James’ back. ‘Who is in this pool?’

‘Me, Amy, Mike, Dan, and Selina.’

‘Selina Meyer?’

‘Yeah, I think she’s kinda bored,’ Ben said. ‘Gary didn’t join in because of Sue being married.’

Kent snorted. ‘I’m glad one of you ascribe me some morals.’

‘Nah, he just didn’t want to make any money out of adultery.’ Ben rolled his eyes. ‘Even though the asshole left her.’

Kent gritted his teeth. ‘Who told you that?’

‘Amy. She bumped into him at a party with some teenager on his arm!’

‘I’ll let you tell Sue that,’ Kent said.

***

They put the sleeping James in his carry cot in the kitchen while Ben did laundry and Kent cooked several batches of food.

‘Joyce is a little worried,’ Ben said. ‘About Sue. But she’s kinda old fashioned. She thinks everyone has to be paired off. Especially men. She thinks we’ll all starve to death on our own.’

‘Sue is a beautiful, intelligent, and competent woman,’ Kent said. ‘She has never wanted for male attention. At some point, she may return to the dating pool, presumably when James has stopped keeping her up all night. When that happens, I have no doubt she will... be successful in her endeavours.’

Ben gave him an odd look. ‘ _You_ need to get back in the dating pool.’

Kent was about to answer when he heard the stairs creak.

‘Look what you did, you woke her up,’ Ben said.

‘I refuse to dignify that.’ Kent strolled towards the door. He opened it and called upstairs. ‘Sue? Ben is here.’

‘Is that so she can climb out a window?’

Kent shrugged. ‘She might wish to change clothes or put on some makeup’

‘Sue Wilson doesn’t wear make-up and designer clothes when you’re visiting?’ Ben whistled. ‘You’re so far in the friend zone that you couldn’t find your way out with a Sherpa and satellite phone.’

‘I hate that phrase “the friend zone,” it’s so dismissive. As if it’s the adult male equivalent of the naughty step.’

Sue walked into the kitchen. She had changed in jeans and a blue check shirt, put her hair up, and put on a little make-up.

‘Ben,’ she said, looking at the laundry he was folding. ‘What’re you doing?’

He shrugged. ‘When we had our first kid we were running on fumes for months. No food. No clean clothes. No sleep. I figured I’d come and help.’

‘Oh.’ Sue seemed to grow a little smaller. She kissed his cheek. ‘Would you stay for dinner?’

Ben was blushing cherry red. ‘Oh yeah, thanks. I guess I should get our kitchen deep cleaned since junior there pooped in the sink.’

‘He also urinated in Ben’s face,’ Kent said.

‘Oh, you just had to bring that up.’

Sue was biting her lip and trying not to smile. ‘Why was James in your sink?’

‘Ben thought a bath might help James’s colic,’ Kent said, opening the refrigerator.

‘It did help,’ Ben said. ‘Then he showed his gratitude by pooping.’

‘A child of impeccable timing,’ Kent said.

‘What are you doing?’ Sue asked.

Making food,’ Kent said. ‘I’ve boxed up some lasagne and some Mac and cheese. I’m about to make chicken casserole.’

‘Why?’

‘To... help,’ he tried uncertainly. ‘As Ben said.’

She looked at him quietly for a moment. ‘You’re very sweet,’ she said.

‘Today on things I never thought I’d hear Sue Wilson say,’ Ben joked.

‘Don’t make me rescind your invitation you to dinner,’ she said.

‘I’ll be good,’ he promised.

***

They found a routine. Ben and Joyce babysat once every two weeks, allowing Sue to get some rest. Kent came by, first a couple of times a week, then every other day, and then every day. When Sue returned to work, she dropped James at childcare in the morning, and Kent picked him up in the afternoon. They took it in turns to cook. Kent lost count of the times that Sue fell asleep partway through her meal. He would move her plate when that happened, and make her comfortable on the couch, before finishing his own food. He’d check James’s diaper, clean away his plate, put Sue's leftovers in the fridge, and go home.

Sue seemed calmer and more content. She discarded the tracksuit, even when she hadn’t been working, and on Kent’s birthday meal he noticed she was wearing perfume.

‘You seem to be in a good place,’ Sasha said.

‘I was expecting a lecture about spending so much time with Sue and not dating,’ he said.

Sasha smiled. ‘I’m not here to lecture you, Kent. I’m here to help you deal with difficulties in your life. Difficulties that, at the moment, you seem to have in hand.’

‘Are you breaking up with me, Doctor?’ Kent asked with a smile.

'Absolutely not, you will always be welcome to talk into me about anything in your life that needs discussing. If you want to talk about something specific then please go ahead.’

‘No, you’re right,’ Kent said. ‘At the moment things are good. Work is fine. I’m busy but I’m happy.’

‘Great! Just be aware going forward that things will change,’ Sasha said. ‘James won’t be a baby for long. Then he’ll be a toddler, a kindergartener, and a schoolboy. It goes so quickly, and at each step of the way your relationship with him will change. At each step of the way your relationship with Sue will change, perhaps in small ways, perhaps in larger ways.'

Kent crossed his legs. ‘She’ll need less help.’

'Exactly, and it’s possible that at some point she may divorce Sean and begin dating again.’

Kent nodded. 'I know. I’m just a friend. A placeholder for Sean or for the next guy. That’s okay. I can live with that.’

‘I just want you to be prepared for the possibilities.’ Sasha said. ‘She may stay single, she might date, she might take Sean back, heck, she might even realise that the guy of her dreams is the one taking care of her son and cooking her casseroles.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘Are you suggesting that I wait for her to do a complete 180 on her feelings about me?’

‘No,’ Sasha said. ‘Nor am I saying you shouldn’t date. But let yourself breathe. Allow yourself to have options. Date if it feels right. Don’t date if that feels right. But try to have a social life outside of Sue. Because one day you might find that someone else is there.’

***

Kent held James against his chest as he answered the phone.

‘Yes?’

‘Who the hell is this?’

‘Who is _this_?’ Kent asked.

‘Sean, put Sue on the phone.’

‘With pleasure,’ Kent said dryly. He walked into the kitchen and cleared his throat.

Sue turned around and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

‘Sean,’ Kent said.

‘Ah, he is several minutes early,’ she said, taking the phone from him. ‘Would you bathe James?’

‘Sure.’

Kent shifted James from one side of his chest to the other as he walked. Sue hadn’t told him that she was expecting a call from Sean. She hadn’t mentioned him since James had been born. Kent hadn’t thought that she had any reason to talk about or to him.

He had no reason to be anxious. He knew that it was a waste of energy to worry about something he could nothing about. Yet the anxiety curdled in his gut and the worry hammered at the base of his skull. 

Would Sue take Sean back? Kent had no idea. The only time she discussed it with Kent was when she was terribly upset and that did not encourage him to question her further. He did know that if she took Sean back then Kent would be surplus to requirements.

Kent turned the bath taps on as he joggled James against him. ‘If your father returns then you and I shall part ways,’ he said quietly. ‘Alas the only issue when it comes to custody is parenthood, not the relationship built, or the time spent together.’

James gurgled and waved one of his hands. 

‘Your input in this complex situation is much appreciated,’ Kent said.

Kent measured the temperature of the bath with his elbow and then turned off the taps. He gently laid James down on the bathroom rug and took off his socks, onesie, and diaper. ‘If you could resist the urge to relieve yourself in the bath this evening I would be grateful.’

James squealed happily as he was placed in the water. Kent gave him a tiny squeaky duck to play with and rubbed the flannel across his chest and back.

He was washing James’s arms and legs when he heard Sue’s step on the stairs. He rinsed James off and pulled out the bath plug. The water was gurgling down the plug hole when Sue opened the door.

James giggled in delight at her and waved his arms.

‘Have you had a pleasant bath?’ Sue asked wrapping him in a towel and picking him up.

‘One of these days he’s going to answer you,’ Kent said, standing up.

‘Not just yet I trust,’ she said, kissing James on the forehead.

Kent followed her into James’s bedroom and took a onesie out of the drawer while Sue put a clean diaper on him.

‘So that was Sean,’ Kent said. ‘He sounded… irritated.’

Sue put the onesie on James and held him against her shoulder. She looked at Kent. ‘You haven’t spoken to him before.’

‘No.’ Kent picked up one of James’s stuffed rabbits from his crib and played with the ear. ‘He merely demanded to speak to you.’

Sue was looking at him oddly. ‘He resents that we must meet tomorrow.’

Kent swallowed. ‘You’re seeing him tomorrow?’

‘We are finalising the divorce,’ she said more gently. ‘More specifically, he has finally agreed to sign away his parental rights in exchange for my agreeing not to ask for child support.’

Kent squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. ‘That he would agree to such a thing is proof that he deserves no better.’ When Kent opened his eyes, he saw that Sue was watching him thoughtfully. ‘I... I’ll get going.’

‘Did you think I was going to take him back?’

‘It’s... It’s none of my business,’ he said. ‘You don’t owe me anything.’

‘You’re my closest friend,’ Sue said. ‘You care for James in every way his father doesn’t. You have every right to know.’

Kent stroked the back of James’s head. ‘If I were his father nothing could persuade me to surrender my parental rights.’

‘If you were his father, nothing could persuade me to ask you to.’ Sue put James in his crib. When she straightened up, she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

‘I’ve put a casserole in for you,’ Kent said. ‘It should be ready in approximately twenty-three minutes.’

‘Please don’t change the subject.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘I was under the impression that we had exhausted the previous topic,’ he said meekly.

‘I disagree,’ Sue said. ‘When you thought that I was going to take Sean back you appeared nauseated.’

Kent looked at the diaper changing table and tapped his knuckles on the edge. ‘He abandoned you once. I would be concerned that he would do so again.’

Sue moved closer. Kent took a step back.

‘Is that all?’ she asked.

‘Isn’t that enough of a reason to be uncomfortable?’

Sue folded her arms across her chest. ‘You weren’t uncomfortable,’ she said. ‘You looked distraught. Then when I explained the truth you looked like you might cry in relief.’

Kent sighed. ‘Sue I… I value our friendship.’ He looked at her. ‘If I overstepped a line then I apologise. I was startled and clearly didn’t manage my response as well as I should.’

‘You value our friendship,’ Sue repeated.

‘Very much.’

Sue raised her eyebrow. ‘Am I supposed to believe that’s all?’

‘I’m not asking you for anything,’ Kent said. ‘I have no hopes or expectations other than to be your friend.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘You have romantic feelings for me once again?’

Kent pushed his hair back off his face. ‘Sue, I’m… I’m not about to complain about being “in the friendzone.” I don’t believe that you owe me anything or that I could somehow “earn” your romantic affection as if you were a trophy in a video game. You gave me an opportunity, a chance, and I threw that away. I have no illusions about it. You moved on. I have attempted to do the same. I will continue to attempt to do the same.’

‘You don’t wish to pursue a relationship with me?’ Sue asked quietly.

Kent sighed softly. ‘I have a friendship with you. That means a great deal to me. You’ve allowed me to be a part of your life. You’ve allowed me to be a part of James’s life. I am grateful for that. Profoundly grateful. I’m not going to jeopardise that friendship.’

Sue stepped closer. ‘You haven’t answered the question.’

‘I’m happy with what I have,’ Kent said.

‘I’m not,’ Sue said.

Kent tried to swallow his nausea and fear. ‘Sue, please don’t think that I’m going to allow my feelings for you to alter things between us.’

‘Kent.’

‘Yes?’

‘Stop talking.’ She kissed him softly, sliding her arms around his shoulders.

Kent automatically rested his hands on her waist. It had to be automatic. His head was spinning too fast for there to being conscious thought.

Sue ran her tongue across his lower lip. ‘Did you like that?’

‘Please don’t play with me,’ he said quietly. ‘I can’t… I can’t.’ 

‘I wouldn’t do that to you.’ Sue kissed him again, softly. ‘Is this what you want?’

‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ Kent said.

‘It matters to me,’ Sue said. She looks into his eyes. ‘Is this what you want?’

He licked his lips. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It’s what I want.’

Sue stepped away, still holding his hand. ‘Twenty minutes?’

‘What?’

‘Twenty minutes until the casserole is ready,’ Sue said.

Kent blinked. ‘Approximately.’

‘That’s enough time,’ she said, squeezing his fingers.

‘To do what?’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘How you get anyone into bed is a mystery for the ages.’

***

‘There,’ she murmured, tracing her fingers along the lighter stripes on her stomach.

‘These are new,’ Kent said, kissing, and nibbling along them.

Sue wended her fingers into his hair. ‘I hope that you’re teasing.’

‘A little.’

Sue pulled him up level with her and wrapped her legs around his waist. ‘I might be out of practice.’

‘I should make some sort of clever quip,’ Kent said. ‘But I’m just happy to be here with you.’

Sue kissed him as he entered her. ‘I prefer that to a clever quip.’

James began to cry. 

‘This is my life,’ Sue said. 

‘I know. It feels like a perfect encapsulation of parenthood,’ Kent chuckled.

‘Sean would probably throw a temper tantrum and storm out of the house,’ Sue said, standing up.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Kent said.

Sue smiled. ‘I know,’ she said.

 


End file.
